New!  CLE in Alabama! September 28, 2010!

7.3 CLE credits in Alabama – including ethics!  Eligible for both ethics and Professionalism in Louisiana.

This is the first of the “Seal The Deal” series of CLE courses in Alabama – the second one is scheduled for October 26, 2010.

Here is more information…

Are your negotiation skills behind the curve?

There are over 1,100,000 lawyers out there competing for clients, deals, verdicts, settlements, etc…Only a very small percent of them are actually good negotiators and the ones who are earn a disproportionate percentage of the money pie.  They are enjoying the toys – the perks of success.  Negotiation skills can put you in the dream…

These skills are even more important that ever!

Mass communication and the small world phenomenon means less face-to-face communication and more likelihood of confusion and mottled messages – you have to be able to negotiate and communicate despite all of the new technology.  Attention spans are shorter so you have less time to work with – unless you know how to hold their attention!

We have the key!

Thanks to groundbreaking advances in the study of communication and behavioral psychology, we now have priceless insight into how people negotiate and make decisions.  Understanding these new advances will allow you to tailor your negotiation and communication approach to get the results you want – fast.

In fact, the medical community is already beginning to use this information to train medical staff because it saves lives by reducing error, increasing doctor/patient understanding, expediting healing and by reducing the time necessary to get vital information. It also drastically lowers malpractice rates and increases patient satisfaction.

Learn to use this powerful information in your law or mediation practice!

In this class you will enjoy a thorough review of tried and true negotiation techniques and learn leading-edge negotiation techniques that will catapult you to the “right side” of the negotiation curve and give you an immediate economic advantage.

Join us for Seal The Deal and learn to negotiate with purpose.  You will negotiate faster, make better deals, create lasting relationships, and develop a reputation as someone people look forward to doing business with.

This is a workshop class that includes multiple, supervised, hands-on exercises.  All participants will leave this class having performed each method.

Looking forward to seeing YOU there!

Nancy

This topic has been on my “to write about” list since I read an article in the Wall Street Journal almost a year ago.  “Why Gen-Y Johnny Can’t Read Nonverbal Cues”, By Mark Bauerlein.  It got lost in the shuffle somehow and I looked at it again today to send to a friend.  Here is the article:

Mr. Bauerlein writes about how people who are growing up with cell phones, iPods, email, etc…are losing their ability to read subtle, culturally based, non-verbal communication.  He calls it the “silent language”.  This is an unnerving thought!  It means that as technology becomes more and more the “rule”, people using the technology are losing their ability to notice emotions in other people.

It’s a big deal on any day but becomes a serious problem in situations in which verbal or written communication is not an option – like during a business meeting or when the person you are discussing has just entered the room unseen…

In fact, nonverbal communication represents 50%-80% of our overall communication.  Losing even half of that cuts off a substantial amount of valuable information about the people around you.

One of the comments to this article was by Brian Brown:

“A young man’s career might suffer because he can’t recognize humor without a smiley face, or because his unconscious shifting and sighing irritates his boss, or because he communicates disinterest by constantly turning back to his iPhone. Or as Bauerlein suggests, diplomat who knows Japanese words but not Japanese linguistic or nonverbal customs is likely to make some major blunders.”

I agree.

“Disadvantaged” – the Digital People

Unless the “Digital People” or “Digitals” recognize their disadvantage and learn to recognize emotional cues, the wool really is over their eyes.  In addition, a large part of this population probably won’t be able to control their own outward show of emotion very well.  That puts them at a serious disadvantage in communications or negotiations with trained communicators.

Basically, their inability to accurately read people’s emotions sets them up to be taken advantage of “six ways to Sunday”.  In other words, they are an easy mark for unethical negotiators…they won’t stand a chance!

When the chips are on the table, they won’t be able to “read” the other players and they’ll lose their chips!  It’s like emotional blindness.

So what?  Why should you care?

3 Ways This Can Make Or Break Your Practice:

Your Network,

Big Deals,

Exposure to Liability

Your Network

When you hire someone, they represent YOU, your reputation, and your business. When you hire a new associate, paralegal, assistant, etc…you are inviting them into your network.  From inside your network they can either build bridges or tear them down.  Protect your network by making sure that you have good communicators on your team!

What is a network anyway?

It’s your support system.  It’s your trusted circle and then some.  They are friends, college roommates, colleagues, and professional acquaintances.  They know you.  You know them.  The relationship is built on familiarity and mutual respect.  You usually like one another and share common interests.

The people in your network likely have at least one thing in common: they have either met you in person or were referred by a friend.

Real networks are built to last.  The best and strongest networks are forged around dinner tables, on the golf course, and at other social events.  They are created not as a tool, but upon genuine common interest.  The good ones are like live oak trees – perennials that get stronger and better with time.

No matter what size your practice is, strong networks are necessary to grow your business.  If you want your practice to succeed, you and your associates must actively network – in person.  In order to be an effective communicator, you must know how to do it well.

The “Official Preppy Handbook” has a funny and brilliantly accurate flow chart that shows how the “old boy networks” work.  Having seen the old boys in action, I can tell you it’s spot on.

For example, one of my written recommendations for law school came via a friend of my mother.  He secured a recommendation for me from his old friend Jimmy Fitzmorris, who is a prominent businessman in Louisiana.   There was one condition: Jimmy wanted to meet me in person.

I was nervous on the day I drove to New Orleans to meet him.  His office was massive and intimidating – he called it his “war room”.  His desk was massive.  The walls were totally covered with framed awards, letters of thanks, keys to cities, and lots and lots of photos of Jimmy… shaking hands with the president, tarpon fishing with the governor, having a drink with Wayne Newton at a Mardi Gras ball.  THAT’S how you network!!

We had a brief meeting.  He was a truly gracious and wonderful communicator.  He easily to put me at ease and we had a good conversation.  He wrote me a glowing recommendation that helped me get into a highly competitive law school.

Ideally, new associates will bring their own network with them and will continue to expand their sphere of influence while working for you – helping you grow your practice to the benefit of all involved.  Look for new hires that can demonstrate that they already have a solid (even if small) network.

Big Deals and Big Cases

This is obvious – the bigger the deal or case, the less room for error and the more important it becomes to have accurate communication.

Big deals always involve face-to-face communication and extensive negotiation.  Unless you plan on doing it all by yourself, you will a least need competent sidekick to help you bring the deal to fruition.  Big cases can involve a multitude of complex interactions that must be not only handled well, but must also be accurately communicated to the principal attorneys.

In 1998 I witnessed an extreme lesson in communication.  My father was a maritime personal injury plaintiff’s attorney trying a Jones Act case in federal court.   The judge prohibited the inclusion of a specific photograph as evidence of an injury because he thought it was too gruesome to show to the jury.  One of the Dad’s paralegals misunderstood the instructions and included the photograph with the materials submitted as evidence.

Dad’s client was awarded 3.3 million dollars for his injury.  There was much rejoicing…until the defense counsel discovered that the photo had been submitted in error…  While Dad managed to get a retrial, he had to try the whole case over again – from the top.  It was an expensive and arduous price to pay for a mis-communication.  To his credit, he managed to win an even larger award without the inflammatory photo.

Great communication skills are an asset BUT poor communication skills expose you to liability!

The bottom line is your bottom line.  Your success rests largely on your reputation.  When you hire people you effectively entrust them with your reputation and your business success.  It’s hard to tell how people will act under pressure until you see it firsthand, so take care to screen new hires very carefully.

If you are hiring someone who is exceptionally tech savvy, triple check their social aptitude because they will eventually be dealing with clients and they will certainly be dealing with your support staff.  Can they detect “stuffed” anger?  Can they tell when someone is in “fight or flight”?  Can they think on their feet and get rapport, even in extreme circumstances – like dealing with an irate judge?

Be aware that your new associate is probably not very good at communication and is probably secretly terrified of public speaking.  After all, it is widely understood that 90% of the population would rather die than speak in public…

Poor communication and inability to focus can wreak havoc on trial preparation.  A rude secretary can ruin your practice.  A hotheaded associate, experiencing real stress for the first time, might lose his cool in court and blow it for you (or create an embarrassing mess that you have to clean up)!

People assume that attorneys know how to communicate well.  While some do, it is usually because of life experience.  Attorneys generally don’t learn communication in law school, they learn how to research and argue.  Most law schools do NOT teach students how to calm a panicked client in the middle of the night (I had to do that once!) or deal with an opposing counsel who is using bully tactics…

For best results, everyone in your firm should be able to communicate fluently in all modalities – face-to-face, verbal, nonverbal, text, email, phone, real “snail mail” letters, and whatever else comes into use.  With all of the new technology, the potential for mis-communication has actually gone up.  That means liability risk and the potential for legal malpractice claims has gone up too.

Eliminate The Unknown – Get Trained!

The most efficient way to eliminate the possibility of potentially catastrophic communication mishaps is to be trained and to train your associates and support staff.  Your result will be less office drama, better client relations, fewer mistakes, more business (referrals! A stronger network!), and better deals.

Negotiation Ninja offers a variety of New Associate trainings and will customize any training to best suit your firm’s needs.  Don’t just wait for the bomb to go off, diffuse it!

Call today and build your Negotiation Ninja team!

Cheers,

Nancy T. Hand, JD

334.524.8437

Nancy@NegotiationNinja.com

A Message From Rudyard Kipling!

Yesterday I got so mired in left-brain thinking that I needed to make a big shift over to my right-brain to get some writing done.  While there are many ways of doing this, I needed to find a poem about trees to anyway.  I decided to see if reading poetry would help me to shift into a more creative mindset.

I pulled a book from my collection of books about English and as I flipped through it, looking for poems about trees, I got lost in the poetry.  It worked!  Time sure flies when you are in the right-brain!

Poetry was a forgotten treasure for me – not anymore!  The thinking style, precision, and emotional detail that you can learn from poetry are valuable communication resources.

A Rudyard Kipling poem, “If” stood out to me.  It is one of Kipling’s more popular works and I read it long ago in a poetry class in undergraduate school.  It seemed so on point for negotiation that I read it through a few times.

Drawn from his own personal experience and keen observation, Kipling distilled, into four brilliantly precise stanzas, life lessons and virtues that are still relevant today.  While this poem seems to be written for his son, it was at least partly inspired by Sir Leander Starr Jameson’s handling of a badly failed raid (“The Jameson Raid”) in Africa.

In each stanza, Kipling elegantly tackles some of the core skills needed to succeed in life – and especially in negotiation! He covers many virtues that make a great (and dignified) negotiator.  My commentary follows the poem:

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

So what is Kipling saying here?  How does it apply to you and me?

Congruence

Congruence is power because it provides a stable base for everything you do, every decision you make.  Know who you are, know your purpose, and trust yourself.  When you are congruent, it is easier to hold on to your ideals and not be swayed by the ideas, anger, blame, and panic of other people.  You will make better decisions and communicate from a place of power, not fear.

Emotional Control

Keep your cool and your focus no matter what is going on around you.  When you are able to hold your own emotional balance, you have greater understanding of the emotions of others and how to best approach them.  Emotional state control also enables you to have better access to your problem-solving resources.

Understanding

Don’t take it personally when people disagree with you – or even attack you!  You don’t have enough information to condemn their beliefs or their behavior.

Also, their opinions might contain information that proves useful to you.  Stay open to constructive criticism.  When you understand that people are acting based on their experience (and their behavior rarely has to do with you), nobody can hurt you – not enemies, not close friends, not even family.

Patience

Things sometimes happen in time – and that is often a good thing.  Be patient and don’t let time passing cause you undue stress.  Trust that things will work out.

Avoid Standing Out For No Reason

Avoid standing out just to stand out. Stand out because you have something to say or something to offer and a valid reason to be recognized.  If you stand out with a purpose, you will be able to answer or field criticism in a dignified way – with information.

Have A Goal

Dream with purpose – have a goal – and be flexible about it.  Sometimes our dreams come true in unexpected ways.   When you lock in to things having to happen in a specific way, you lock up some of your resources and close off other avenues of possibility.  Let it happen in natural ways.

That said, think with purpose, plan, and don’t let your mind meander – stay on point.

Be Tough, Be Persistent, Roll With Life

Life is an experience.  Things are going to happen but they don’t happen to you, you experience life.  So stay on your toes and take your highs and lows for what they are – experience and information.

You may experience unpleasant things – your words may be twisted and your projects may be torn apart by others.  Keep your own counsel when you can, choose your words with care, and be prepared to shelve your ego from time to time.

When life deals you a bit of adversity, keep going!  Bank the experience, learn from your mistakes and move on to bigger and better things.  Keep going!  The worst thing you can do is give up (because giving up is giving up on you!)!

Take A Risk

Take risks! It’s part of a full and satisfying life!  If you gamble, make it a big goal – a worthy payout.  Be prepared, however, to “lose” gracefully.

In other words, before you role the dice, be sure you are tough enough to weather the possibility of losing it all.  Dale Carnegie believed that being “OK” with your worst possible outcome was the key to calm and worry free living.  I agree.

If you do lose it all, don’t whine about it to anyone.  Here I’ll refer to an excerpt of another great poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox “Solitude”:

“Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.”

Too true.

Your Purpose Has Immense Power

Your “purpose” is an extra store of energy for you.  When you are congruent and have a purpose, you will have the strength to keep going even when you feel utterly exhausted.  Your will to achieve is a powerful thing.

I had the good fortune to hear Nien Cheng, author of “Life and Death in Shanghai”, speak in 1989. Her story was humbling and heroic.

She was a wealthy widow of an oil executive falsely accused by the Red Guard of being a spy.  Her purpose kept her alive and sane for 6 1/2 years despite daily beatings and life in a cold cell too small for her to lie down in.

When I saw her she was poised, dignified, and truly forgiving of her accusers.  Her purpose had been freedom and to “make up for lost time”.  She eventually got both.  She lived a full life and died at 94 years old.  That’s how much power “purpose” can have.

How strong is your purpose?

Know Thyself

As Socrates put it, “Know Thyself”.  Know yourself well enough to maintain your individuality amongst “the crowd” whatever your crowd might be.  Know yourself well enough to be who you are, even when you achieve privileged status.  Be kind.

Cultivate Allies

Cultivate alliances with others, but do not cultivate dependants.

Enjoy Yourself!

Instead of looking to others for your entertainment, learn to entertain yourself and enjoy your time alone, being who you are.

Enjoy!

Nancy

6.4.10

Lately I’ve been thinking about the power of having done something once – even better if you did it well.  Doing something once creates familiarity with the act.  It is a rehearsal.  The next time you do it, you feel confident and trust your abilities more.

I’ve been a negotiator my whole life (with family, friends, bosses, professors…).  It comes naturally to me.  It comes naturally to most people – it just gets “taught out” by parents, school, and culture.  We don’t really need to learn to be negotiators; we need to unlearn how “not to be a negotiator”!

Nothing is as exciting as negotiating for something with purpose and succeeding beyond your own expectations.

This is an account of one of my earliest and most textbook negotiations… I consciously negotiated and unconsciously used the “walk away” tactic.

Having done “the walk-away” once, successfully albeit clumsily and “by accident”, gave me the confidence to try the tactic again and to enjoy it as research.  I learned how to use it as a useful tool.

The Carved Box

When I was living in New Orleans some friends came to visit and we discovered this little store near the French Market.  It looked small from the outside but it was very deep and long – it seemed to go on and on.  It was filled with trinkets from yesteryear, like a New Orleans keepsake time capsule.

We had a great few minutes in there – laughing about this and that, like the old flash bars for Polaroid cameras that had been out of production for over a decade and kitschy souvenirs from the 1970s…this store was packed with that sort of stuff.  The further back you went, the more random it got.

It was funny, so funny that I went back with a friend about a month later.

That’s when I saw the carved box…

In the very dark back of the store, there were a few big shelves packed with broken or unwrapped merchandise crammed together and even more stuff crammed underneath them on the floor.

On the floor I saw the corner of a carved box poking out from the rubble and thought that it looked pretty good.  I figured since it was being treated like trash, it should be pretty cheap.  I was in law school and not exactly ‘rollin in dough’ so I estimated $25 or so would be fair.

When the manager (the store was run by 3 Middle Eastern men) moved it out into the aisle, I saw that it was a truly beautiful chest.

It was heavy, rough-hewn and deeply carved with giant flowers on the top and on each side.  He said that it was Brazilian and carved from some exotic wood – I can’t remember what…I didn’t care – I was smitten!

I asked him how much it was and he said $90!  Taken aback, I said that I was thinking maybe $25.  He was visibly surprised and said “No way.”  I looked at the box again and said (and it was true) that I only had $40 to spend.  He said “No way.”

There wasn’t really anything left to do at that point.  I shook his hand, thanked him for his time, and we left (I now know that there are good reasons not to linger at the scene of an “impasse” purchase negotiation of this kind).

It was a long walk to the door, so he must have had enough time to think about it.  As I opened the door, he yelled to me “Ok, ok, $40.”  I was thrilled but tried to play it cool…

He got the box and it started to rain – hard, white, monsoony New Orleans rain. We were parked far away, and I asked if we could leave the box (it was heavy) and bring the car around.  He said that it was fine, and we reached the payment phase…

His face fell when he saw my credit card.  Then he got mad! “You are paying with credit card?!”  I said yes.  He said that he thought I had cash.  Unfamiliar with the process etiquette, I said, “You didn’t ask me how I was paying.”  He grudgingly (flanked by the other two who were giving me some pretty mean looks) rang me up.

On a hunch, I decided that leaving the box there was a bad idea since it probably wouldn’t be there when we returned.

I carried the box through the pouring rain and was absolutely soaked (but happy) when we got to the car.   It must be special wood because the rain didn’t phase it!

The Carved Box

It became my “hurricane box” in New Orleans (full of important things like my passport, birth certificate, data backups etc…).  Today it is in front of the fireplace in our living room.  I still love it and appreciate it every day.

It was the first time I really negotiated for something – on purpose but using tactics “accidentally”.  I didn’t know what I was doing, and it still worked!  The tactic worked because it came naturally.

Sure, there are many things you can learn to become a better negotiator, but almost as important and maybe even more important is unlearning the habits, beliefs, and mindset that keep you from being the best negotiator you can be.

The first thing Negotiation Ninja training participants and coaching clients learn is how to change the limiting beliefs and erroneous information they have about negotiation.  We clean the slate right away so that clients and training participants can learn – and put to immediate, effective use – new knowledge and skills that yield predictable, repeatable negotiation results (wins!).

Call or email Negotiation Ninja today to discover and uncover your natural negotiation abilities and turbo-charge them!

Alabama lawyers – look for upcoming CLE classes on “Introduction To Negotiation” and “The Key: Negotiation Preparation” through the Alabama Center For Dispute resolution!

Details will be posted soon!

Cheers!

Nancy T. Hand, JD

Proof, Peak Performance States & Photoreading

“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths”  Walt Disney

6.12.10

Photoreading Refresher Course!

The Photoreading class I took in ATL in April was unlike any class I have ever had – and it was really fun!  It was an intense, completely integrated, totally interactive learning experience and a perfect refresher course in Photoreading for me.

Our trainer incorporated some of the learning modalities that I have used for a long time (like Brain Gym, EFT, and Image Streaming) on my own and with clients.  It was awesome to be able to practice with other, like-minded people because I am usually the one teaching!

She also used clever anchoring to bring the participants back to a time when learning was easy and fun – it was like kindergarten all over again!  She turned the hotel meeting room into an interactive play place and prompted us into the accelerated learning state we had as children.

There were toys, markers, Cush balls, goofy glasses, inspirational quotes and Magic Eye images everywhere.  We took frequent water breaks and danced around between seated exercises to get the blood flow going.

All of these factors worked together to create a unique learning experience that didn’t feel like work – time passed quickly and we all absorbed an enormous amount of information in a very short amount of time.  That’s my kind of learning, and that’s what it is all about!

Our trainer also provided a myriad of scientific information about how the brain works, how we learn, and the effect of stress on learning.  This included learning a little bit about Heart Math and watching as volunteers demonstrated how to use Heart Math methods to enter a calm, accelerated learning state.

The main event – the “how to Photoread” part of the class – was very much like when I took it for the first time in 1993.  Over time I had drifted into a kind of lazy “Nancyfied” way of Photoreading and while it DID still work, I knew I could be doing better.

Some of the participants had studied the home course and were not getting the results that they expected.  For them, the live training provided something profound:  Proof.

Proof

Proof has power because it solidifies the pattern of your newly acquired information in your brain and creates a certain level of trust in the process.

Trust in the process is priceless in its ability to relax you and put you at ease.  When you are relaxed you breathe easier, you are physically more flexible, the “nay saying” inner voices quiet, and you can truly enjoy the process of whatever it is you are doing.  Not just that, you’ll also do a better job because your focus is not on “doing it”, it’s on “doing it better than you did the first time”!

My Proof

In the class I took way back when, the end-of-class “test” was to Photoread and activate the dictionary.  Then the trainer gave us each a word, and we had to recall the page number and the position of the word on the page.  I was astounded that I could actually do it!

For me, that was the proof I needed to trust the process.  After that, I went into academic overdrive.  I piled on the courses and made short work of my undergraduate degree, law degree, and the Bar Exam…

In this Atlanta class, we Photoread a book with no name – upside down!  We only Photoread it once and didn’t even activate it.

After we Photoread, we closed our eyes, “went inside” and relaxed while we let any images or feelings come to the surface.  Then we drew images to represent the images in our mind or the feelings we had after reading the book.

I got a treasure chest, a desert with a cactus, beach with a palm tree, a boy, a steam engine train, a rope swing and a hangman’s noose.

When everyone was done, we brought our drawings into the atrium of the hotel, formed a circle, and compared our art.  I was amazed!!!  Of the participants, almost all of us got the similar images!  There were lots of treasure chests, palm trees, beaches and boys!

It turned out that the mystery book was “The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream”.  It’s the story of a boy’s journey to find enlightenment.  The journey included treasure, beaches, deserts, etc…The similarities between the drawings were profound enough to make believers even out of the 2 people (out of 37) in the group who didn’t feel as though they connected with the book.

How do you get “proof”?

Actually doing it.

There is something magical and tactile about actually doing something the hands-on way.  This could be because it incorporates all of the senses.  It could also be because many people need to DO something physically in order to truly activate new knowledge.  Actually doing something always results in useful, real-world feedback…

If you try and fail the first time, you know what you need to change in order to succeed.

If you do a clumsy job your first time (totally expected), you are better off the second time you do it because you’ve done it once before and the pressure is off.

If you happen to do it well the first time you will likely be labeled a “natural” and the skill will be pretty easy for you to master.

This is really about manipulating your beliefs about your ability to achieve or succeed in realizing your goal – in order to reach your desired goal.  Does believing it really help?  Isn’t that just wishful thinking and Pollyanna-ness?  As cheesy as it sounds, “If you can dream it, you can do it!” – Walt Disney.

The truth is, when you are confident in your abilities and believe something will ultimately work out for you, you relax. You breathe.  As a result you think better, you are more creative, you physically move and verbally articulate more accurately, self-talk stops, time stretches, and flow state starts to take over.

http://www.vanderbilt.edu/AnS/psychology/health_psychology/mentalimagery.html

Imagine doing it.

You may not have the option of a physical “run-though” of the activity or you may be embarking on something that has never been done before.  Nevertheless, there are ways of creating that kind of trust and relaxation on your own.  It takes some initiative, some visualization, doubt elimination, and self-testing but it is totally doable.

Building a Peak Performance State is one way you can generate the experience you need to feel confident about what you are doing.  This method also works exceptionally well in conjunction with actual, physical run-through of the activity.

Another wonderful aspect of the Peak Performance State is that once you learn it, you own it and can use it forever (and on just about anything!).  Not only that, you can use the Peak Performance State method anywhere, any time (on a plane ride, on the golf course, in the office, on your own, in a crowded room, etc…) because you do it all on your head!

Athletes, great negotiators and elite professionals do it all the time.  Peak Performance States are one of the most powerful and essential pieces of negotiation preparation.

Peak Performance States begin with Future Pacing the upcoming event.  Future Pacing is like daydreaming or running a mental movie about the coming event but using it in far more productive ways.  Instead of simply imagining the event, you use the imagery to work out the kinks and assess the resources you have and the resources you need to do a better job.

Once you have gone through the process and know what you need (patience, confidence, good timing, etc…), you can begin building your Peak Performance State by adding the resources you need to your plan.

As you continue to Future Pace, tweak and tune your mental movie until you have it just the way you want it – then stop.  Go do something fun and do another mental run through later.

Again, the best part about this method is that it’s always available to you, and you can run an infinite number of scenarios.  You can prepare yourself for just about any contingency!

The more you do it, the more familiar it is to you – even if you have only done it in your mind.  Familiarity is powerful!  Studies have shown that athletes who do “mental run-throughs” before big matches, races, etc…actually perform as well or better than those who actually practice.

Both of these methods (actually doing it and imagining it) work well.  Proof isn’t trust, it’s a trust builder.   You can generate trust without proof!

Whether it’s a multi-million dollar negotiation, learning a new skill, or engaging in a difficult conversation, you will do far better if you have done a conscious run-through beforehand – and even better if you build a strong Peak Performance State.  This key component of negotiation preparation has a huge return on investment!

Negotiation Ninja offers one-on-one and group training in the creation of Peak Performance States.  Clients and Participants learn how to generate Peak Performance States in themselves (for anything from maintaining emotional control during negotiations or oral arguments to processing massive amounts of information) and in their clients (for things like mentally preparing your client for mediation, deposition or trial).

Call or email Negotiation Ninja today and find out how learning Peak Performance States can transform your practice and your life!

Alabama lawyers – look for upcoming CLE classes on “Peak Performance States For Meditation” and “Desk Side Manner:  Better Rapport Means Better Deals” through the Alabama Center For Dispute resolution!

Details will be posted soon!

Cheers!

Nancy Hand, JD

4.26.10

I love when hard science begins to catch up with “alternative” or social sciences.  This article came out today about Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and I just have to spread the word…

For the last 8 years I have been using EFT for just about anything I can think of.  It is such a powerful tool!

I’ve used it personally for everything from big emotional stuff like grief when my father died, breakups, and stress/overwhelm.  I’ve used it to deal with little things like remembering names and staying calm during flight turbulence.  I’ve used it on physical things like allergies and re-learning my balance on a horse…

I use it regularly in my practice to help clients de-activate emotional hot buttons before mediation and negotiation, public speaking nerves/phobias, clearing negotiation fears (failure, confrontation, etc…) and getting congruent with asking for what they really want…

Inevitably, when clients discover the power of EFT, they want to know more and work on other things…like stopping smoking, needle phobias, and other personal issues.  Why not?  It works well on so many things!

This new article talks about using EFT to stop food cravings – read it here:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100423094627.htm

It also brings up a point that I have noticed time and again – people DO forget what the problem was after they have tapped on it!

Here’s another, older art that talks about how well acupuncture works without needles…

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/12/081201082353.htm

Cheers!

Nancy

3.22.10

This month I saw the perfect mediation

Two parties came to the table with their lawyers.  They were conscientious, flexible, very well prepared, and ready to make a deal.  Both parties were clearly committed to a win-win outcome.

Their thorough preparation paid off. They reached agreement on an extremely sensitive custody matter and resolved equally sensitive – potentially volatile – peripheral matters in only 75 minutes!  It was very impressive work on both sides of the table.

It was, however, a Regional Competition of the American Bar Association Representation in Mediation Competition that I judged on March 5^th …

The competitors were cast in mediation role-play. They were very good and stayed in character like champs.

I’m not sure how long they prepared (and would be interested to know) but they came to the table over-prepared and ready to slice and dice concessions cleverly and nimbly to create mutually beneficial solutions.

It wasn’t the normal concession give and take – it was more like they worked together to mold the clay into a mutually agreeable shape.  Neither party left feeling unsatisfied.  In fact, during the post-mediation interviews, both sides felt like they “won”!

These competitors were prepared and it paid off.  Preparation has the highest return on investment of any business practice and also works in other aspects of life to help you creatively control your outcome.

Why doesn’t this happen in “real life”?  Because most people never take the time to prepare and end up “winging it”.

What if…

• You could mentally and emotionally prepare in a way that allowed maximum benefit and flexibility?
• You could be so calm and centered that you could lead the other party into a better mindset and dispel negativity on the other side of the table?
• You could use information about the situation fluidly and ethically to build a better deal for everyone – after all, a win-win deal will last and is less likely to be contested.

Attorneys, what if…

• You knew how to coach your client into a peak performance state (like the ones elite athletes use all the time) so that they stay calm and resourceful throughout the mediation or negotiation?
• You could do it well before the negotiation – so that you and your client or team could enjoy the days leading up to the negotiation without worry?
• You could do this coaching over the phone?
• You knew how to build peak performance states so well that you could do it easily and quickly?

It’s possible!

The mediation competition teams had coaches and so can you.  A mediation or negotiation coach can train your attorney or management team to build technical strategies and emotional peak performance states that will help get the negotiation outcomes you want.

All interaction is a system – in a negotiation, the parties are a system.

W. Ross Ashby’s Law Of Requisite Variety states, “If a system is to be stable the number of states of its control mechanism must be greater than or equal to the number of states in the system being controlled.”

In other words, the party with the most behavioral options and flexibility of mindset will control the system – in this case a negotiation or mediation.  The party with more possible outcomes and more possible solutions to predictable objections or demands, will be more likely to keep a negotiation from impasse and to see it through to a successful resolution.

If two parties came to the table with the level of preparation seen in these competitions, the results would likely be similar.

If only one party came to the table that prepared (rehearsed in all possible ways to slice and dice, mentally nimble, emotionally calm), they would control the communication “system”.  They would probably not just control the system, but do so virtually undetected.

In a negotiation, they would have an obvious, distinct advantage.  In some mediation situations, that prepared party might even end up better off than they would if they went to court.

Train the lawyers/managers

Teach them how to coach mediation and negotiation participants to the best deals possible and beyond.  Train your lawyers or managers in the methods used by coaches who train elite athletes. Teach them how to use peak performance states, non-verbal cues, whole mind thinking – on themselves, with clients, and with your negotiation teams.

Turn your team into a ninja team!

Cheers!

Nancy

2.19.10

The Magical Power of Photoreading!

Sometimes you find a great tool, technology, or method that you have to share with everyone who will listen – it’s just too good.  Photoreading is one I’d like to share with you.  It’s really amazing stuff!! I have been using it since the early 1990’s and it has made my life so much easier.  Indeed, I don’t know where I would be without it.  It literally buys you time!

In three weeks I am going to refresh my Photoreading skills!  The timing is perfect because I am currently taking in and processing an enormous amount of information.  There just never seems to be enough time to study and learn (and there is SO much more to learn).  I am ready to polish my skills…

Photoreading is a reading tool that helps the reader to read faster and more thoroughly.  It’s not speed-reading, it’s more like developing super fast photographic memory using your peripheral vision to take information directly into long-term memory.  In order to successfully use the information, you must “call it up” or “activate it” out of long-term memory.

I met a gentleman once who was suffering from macular degeneration and could ONLY read with his peripheral vision.  He said that it always took a few days for him to truly comprehend the things he read.  The same thing often applies to Photoreading, especially with complex material.

Not everybody gets the profound results that I have.  Maybe that’s because it takes focus and practice to gain real proficiency.  In my opinion, the result is well worth the effort!

This is my Photoreading story…

In College

I learned Photoreading in the early 1990’s when I was in undergraduate school and started using it right away.  My grades got better and I was able to pile on the work with extra hours – I was ready to get out of school!

Photoreading helped me get through all of the technical classes and labs easily, like math, computer science and statistics.  It also enabled me to synthesize easily from multiple sources so my essays and papers flowed well.

In the middle of my third year it was apparent that horticulture wasn’t my thing but I had a lot of English credits, enough that all I needed were a few math classes (which I had been putting off) and some electives to graduate.  What would I do with an English degree?  What else, go to law school!

I studied my university’s policies and discovered that, if I had completed my core curriculum, I could use the first year of law school as my last year of undergraduate school.  It sounded like a great idea to me!  It was a (very) rarely used policy clause that required talking both schools into going along with my plan.  The undergraduate university would waive the requirement of having the last 30 hours of study be at the university and the law school conditionally waived the requirement of a diploma.  Double dipping at its finest!

However,  I had to somehow take two math classes and a statistics class in two semesters.  In order to even get to that point I had to test out of a remedial math by re-taking my ACT.  That would be a miracle!

My advisor rolled her eyes, told me it was impossible, but eventually let me try anyway.

Math had always scared me and while my earlier ACT scores were 24 and 27 respectively – my scores on the math section were 4 and 5, respectively (yes, really).  I needed a 19 or above on the math section to test out of the remedial math I was supposed to take.  A 5 to a 19 is a big jump!

So I Photoread old math books and anything else I could get my hands on.  It was really the only thing I knew to do because time was short and I couldn’t just “learn math” that fast.  Half the time I didn’t even know what I was Photoreading!

I did it!

I took my LSAT one weekend and the ACT the next.  I made a 19 on the math section, tested out of remedial math and ended up in a math class that was WAY over my head – Photoreading (and a tutor) to the rescue again and again!  I passed both math classes and the statistics (took one math and statistics in an 18hr semester!) and ultimately graduated with a 3.7 – cum laude.

Law School

I was able to convince both my undergraduate university and the law school of my choice to go along with my proposal!  Because of Photoreading, I was able to work, clerk and have an active social life while I was in law school.  There was so much reading and sometimes it was very dry.  I was able to plow through homework painlessly.  It’s the best study tool I have ever used!

The Bar Exam

The Louisiana Bar Exam is 21.5 hours of timed essay questions (typed or handwritten) on 9 topic areas of law.  You have to pass 7 of the 9 sections to pass and must pass 4 of the 5 “code” sections to pass outright.

I had about 6 weeks to study and was also preparing a photo exhibit that went on display in the World Trade Market in Dallas the week of the bar exam.  Since my “darkroom” was only truly dark at night, I chose to skip the evening bar prep course and studied the books and tapes instead.

I listened to the tapes in the darkroom and Photoread the books a lot during the day.  Of course I did other things to prepare for the bar – there was definite method to the madness.  Still, I really think that the Photoreading contributed a great deal to my success.  I just didn’t have to study as much as everyone else.

I felt really confident going into the exam and even purposefully skipped a section (didn’t even study it) because the law in the area had just changed and they told us to know both sets of laws.  Forget that!  Instead, I studied in the parking garage of the Super Dome (where the exam was held) while everyone else took that section.

In fact, in the parking garage I Photoread someone else’s notes for “Negotiable Instruments”, which I had never studied before, and passed that section of the bar too!

When I sat down in any given test, I would quietly Photoread the whole exam 4x, then read through the whole thing without making notes, then read through again making margin notes, then outline.  By the time I started writing my answer, 1 of the 3 hours had probably passed.  Once, a tablemate actually prompted me to write!

Thanks to Photoreading, my blue books were beautiful!  My answers were clear, tidy, easy to read, and to the point.  Not once did I have to scratch anything out or make other corrections.  Best of all, I passed the whole bar exam the first time!

Over the years I have grown to rely on Photoreading for the bulk of my preliminary studies.  It sets the stage for fast learning and helps me tune directly in to the information I need and synthesize multiple sources easily.  This upcoming class is going to re-tune me to the art of Photoreading in its proper (not Nancyfied) form.  I can’t wait to be turbo-charged!

I highly recommend Photoreading to anyone who wants to turbo-charge their ability to learn, process, synthesize, research etc…!!

Be a Ninja (learner)!

Nancy

PS – Parents, this is a tool kids can use!  Why not teach them when they are young?  Start them on the “gifted” track early by giving them the tools to excel – this is certainly one of them!

2.15.10

Part 1 of 2

What is Winning?

So you have thoroughly prepared, prioritized your concessions, established your bottom line, and entered into negotiation with a win-win mindset.  The negotiation could be a new business deal, a mediation to settle some old business, a relationship issue, or just about anything else…

What happens if, in the middle of negotiations, the other party begins to act erratically or badly – playing “dirty pool”?  What if you discover that they have misled you or they begin throwing tantrums?  What do you do when you realize that their idea of “winning” means ruining you?

It happens all the time – especially when big egos are at the table.  Sometimes it is a business negotiation tactic purposefully used to wear down or “break the spirit” of the other side.  Common intimidation tactics taken too the extreme can seem more like bullying at the negotiation table…

Sometimes, especially in long-term relationships such as business partnerships, the “bad behavior” is driven by skewed or distorted emotions (like deserving, vengefulness or jealousy). In this case “winning” for the other party means “being right”  (by proving you wrong) or being vindicated.  These emotions can add another level to the negotiation because they must be satisfied somehow in order for the end agreement to be lasting.

Either way, the knee-jerk reaction to this type of behavior is usually either:

• Fight (as in “oh, you want to play dirty?  I’ll show you!”) or,
• Flight (lowering your negotiation aspirations in order to “get it over with”).

Both of these reactions are likely to lead you to more complications and possibly damage your reputation – and in this situation, you are better off erring on the side of caution/reasonableness.

The emergence of this type of behavior in negotiation requires you to step back and re-assess your Well-Formed Outcome and strategy. Check your ego, try not to take things personally, and look for the win-win no matter where you are in the negotiation process.

In this first part I’ll focus on situations when the business at hand is new and neither side is very invested in the outcome.

When You Can Walk Away…

If you are at the beginning of the relationship and no agreements have been made, consider calling it off.  If the other party is already using tactics that give you reason to believe that their goal is not “win-win”, it will only get worse.  By proceeding you tacitly condone the behavior and signal that you are willing to endure it in the future.

When I first started my business I did a negotiation workshop for a group of engineers at a major engineering firm.  It went very well and they called me back later to consult on a particular negotiation involving intellectual property. The CEO and VPs were so happy with my work that they sent word to the training coordinator to hire me for a series of workshops.

When it came time to negotiate the workshop series, the training coordinator with whom I had negotiated the first training, started acting strangely.  He called at off hours, was late to meetings, and became sarcastic and rude.  I tried to work though it because it was a great opportunity for me professionally and I really enjoyed the first workshop.  I was willing to overlook the tactics because of the importance of the deal – it was a big one!

Eventually he made some sexist remarks that were too low to ignore and I had to walk away from a deal that I really wanted.  To negotiate further would have signaled that I was willing to endure the tactics.

Luckily, there are always other fish in the sea.  If you can get out with little invested time, money, and ego, do.  Consider it a cheap lesson and move on.  You will be glad later.  This is especially true if the deal would be long-term or require so much of your resources that you would essentially rely on the income generated by the deal to survive.

Granted, walking away is a lot easier if you are self-employed or in a position of authority with your company.  If things get to the point where you want to quit the negotiation, look for guidance within your company  about how to either handle it or make a graceful exit.

If you are willing to deal with the other side despite bad behavior, do yourself (and your business) a favor by finding a good lawyer who can write a good agreement.  Make sure that everything is in there and go over it with your attorney until you understand it enough to negotiate every clause if need be.  The better the agreement, the better off you will be in the event of a dispute.

Here are a few things to consider before proceeding in negotiation when the other side is using extreme intimidation tactics or is acting erratically…

• Is the behavior a calculated negotiation tactic or is it emotionally driven?
  • If it is emotionally driven, can you find a way to satisfy the emotional element enough to move forward into a lasting agreement?

• How is it effecting your:
  • The negotiation?
  • Your morale (do you feel fight or flight)?
  • Do you think that the other side might be dangerously unscrupulous? Or just dangerous?
    • If so, remove yourself from the situation quietly and quickly!
    • This may sound crazy – but some people are crazy!

No matter where you are in your career, business, or relationships, each negotiation sets a precedent for the next.  If you are in a negotiation in which you feel more like an enemy or prey than an equal party at the table, you are setting yourself up for more of the same.  Choose to negotiate with parties who share your negotiation style, attitude, and philosophy and you will have good working relationships to show for it.

In the next segment we’ll talk about what to do when you are in the middle of a negotiation involving a long-term relationship.  We’ll discuss ways to deal with emotions that are likely to arise when it happens and ways to build and maintain a peak performance state when things get down and dirty in negotiation.

Be a Ninja!

Nancy

Last night one of my best friends left a hilarious message on my voice mail…  Because of my intellectual property (IP) background, she was calling to ask me for my take on the “Who Dat?” scandal between the people of New Orleans, LA and the National Football League (NFL).  In the message she dramatically threatened to paint her house black and gold (with fleur de lis, of course!).

The “Who Dat?” dispute has evoked some seriously passionate responses from the fan base in New Orleans and around the world!  I’m mad about it too – the saying is a part of Louisiana culture at this point and it cannot and should not be regulated.

Louisiana is the land of civil code, parishes, and drive through daiquiris. This is a state in which I was driving legally at 15 years old, and drinking legally at 18! We don’t conform without a fight.

Not just that, in the wake of tragedy, Louisiana needs to truly savor and revel in this good fortune…

So here are my thoughts (opinions!) on the matter:

The NFL has already lost.

New Orleans and Louisiana have already won.

The NFL probably doesn’t own the rights to “Who Dat?”

Read on for my reasoning…

The NFL has already lost.

It’s a miracle! The Saints are going to the Super Bowl!! But it didn’t happen overnight.  This team has been getting better and better over the years and the fan base has been getting bigger and more enthusiastic.

That means the overall NFL fan base has been growing with it.  New fans have joined the bandwagon and past fans have returned to the flock – fresh blood in the mix!  These fans have been watching more football and buying more merchandise.

So why?  Why would the NFL screw up a truly “Rudy” football moment – when the fans are warm and fuzzy, thankful and grateful, loving their team, the sport, and the NFL that makes it all possible?  Why ruin the Rudy moment by alienating an invigorated and enthusiastic fan base?

In the name of marketing/licensing dollars, the NFL has completely blown an opportunity to build untold goodwill with this fan base, uplift New Orleans, and boost its underlying economy.

Instead of nurturing this new fan/customer base, they alienated it by sending cease and desist letters to the local silk screeners, and “mom & pop” vendors.  When they could have promoted local businesses and created even more goodwill in the fan base, they dug in on the position of “owning” local slang that is part of the culture.

Such frivolous squandering of goodwill!  What half-cocked, stuffed shirt attorney did this?  My guess is that they have litigation attorneys managing their IP and their PR departments.  It’s just a thought…

My father used to use the term “false economy”.  He used it when he saw that we were using valuable, productive time trying to save a buck.  False economy happens when your short-term “gains” equal long-term losses…  So even if this dispute creates a stir now (more press coverage, etc…), alienating this fan/customer base is false economy in the long run!

I hope those “mom & pop” vendors are keeping track of the money they are losing by complying with the (bogus?) cease and desist letters.  That information may come in handy later.

New Orleans and Louisiana have already won.

Louisiana loves Saints football and the recent wins brought the state together with a sense pride and winning (finally, winning…).  However, this “Who Dat?” dispute has galvanized that sense of unity.  For the first time in a long time, Louisiana is truly bonding within its borders.

This dispute has created an “us against them” mindset that brings people together.  Nothing unifies the populous like having a common enemy.   It has even given Jindal an opportunity to do something almost endearing…

Hopefully this is a tipping point, the threshold at which Louisiana begins to take back its power and appreciate the enormous potential within its borders – like its natural resources – including gastronomy, culture, language, music, and art.  Maybe this is the point when Louisiana bands together and begins to take more pride in its uniqueness and beauty.

Who Dat gonna buy an NFL sanctioned, mass-produced, made in China “Who Dat?” shirt now?  Not me, and not New Orleans.  I think this is a fine time to showcase Louisiana creativity and artistry – make your own “Who Dat?” shirt!

The NFL probably doesn’t own the rights to “Who Dat?”

OK.  Caveat.  This is my off-the-cuff opinion after 5 years away from the active practice of law AND this is ONLY in regard to “Who Dat?”  They may have the IP rights on their particular version of the fleur de lis.

“Who Dat?” would likely fall under trademark law, not copyright.  As far as trademark goes, the only one I have seen was the Louisiana trademark registration.  At the risk of discounting the value of state trademarks, they don’t offer the same protection as federal and usually have pretty lenient standards.

The federal trademark process involves examination and research by trained trademark attorneys. There is a pending registration in the United States Patent and Trademark Office that was filed January 7, 2010 by “Who Dat?, Inc.” of Hammond, LA, but it has not yet been processed. They will turn down marks with more substance than this one – and I will watch this one closely to see if it ever reaches the principal register.

IF the NFL had a valid trademark (not likely, but let’s just play with the thought) a few things to consider might be…

The mark may be considered abandoned through non-use.  I don’t know who has been producing “Who Dat?” merchandise and actively using the mark for merchandising, however, if the NFL did not actively use it for a period of 2 or more years, it may be deemed abandoned and in the public domain.

The mark may be deemed abandoned through failure to enforce IP rights.  Failure to defend your trademark against infringement results in abandonment. NFL has had ample opportunity to crack down on infringers.

Certainly NFL knew (or should have known) of infringement before now. Every time the Saints play, the stands are full of non-NFL sanctioned shirts, hats, etc…  It has been in public view and on camera for a long time – so it’s a little too late claim infringement now.

That said…in 2001 I read a story about a gentleman named Uzi Nissan.  He has/had a small, local computer repair store in North Carolina.  He registered www.nissan.com in 1994 and in 2001 was sued by Nissan motors for “cyberquatting”.  He told Salon.com that the ordeal “ruined his business, ruined his marriage, and ruined his life”.  Click on the link above and find out all about it.

In other words, suing the NFL might be the way to go but it would be expensive!! Louisiana would be better off sending their very best negotiators in first to work this out with the NFL.

I don’t know what “winning” is in this instance.  I do know that it would include a good, working relationship with the NFL that leaves the populous of the State of Louisiana feeling as though their dignity and culture are intact enough to thoroughly relish this Super Bowl.  Geaux Saints!!!

Who Dat!!??