So you received your law school acceptance letter! Congratulations!

Now what?

It came in the mail and you are probably overjoyed, but it’s a little scary too, isn’t it?

There has been a lot of talk in the news lately about the student loan debt you are about to accrue. Current statistics show that it will likely be really high.

But you already know about that.

Statistics show that if you aren’t in the top of your class at a Top 10 law school, you will likely have trouble getting a job – especially one that will help you pay back those oppressive student loans.

But you already know that.

People who read the negative press might be causing you to question the desirability of a law degree, saying it’s just like any other degree now…it is not. It is a very impressive accomplishment.

But you already know that.

More than likely, you have other reasons to
want to go to law school.

Social impact

Some law students want to make a positive difference in an area close to their heart. Because they understand the law, attorneys have a natural “in” to politics and positions of power. They have an easier time navigating the system and making beneficial changes in areas that matter to them – like elder law, disability law, intellectual property law, environmental law and about anything else you can imagine.

By the numbers, over half of the presidents of the Unites States of America have been lawyers. Roughly 43% of the U.S. Congress and about 37% of the U.S. House of Representatives are made up of lawyers. And the Supreme Court, well…that’s a given.

Lawyers have a definite advantage in the “making a difference” department. Of course, it’s all up to the person.

Prestige

Some people are after the prestige of a law degree. A Juris Doctor is indeed an impressive degree. Regardless of whether a person commands the degree of authority available is up to them.

Downplay it at your leisure, but remember – there are no “easy” law schools. There are no “easy” bar exams. If you make it through law school and pass the bar exam, it is a major accomplishment.

Completing law school shows you have the ability to tough it out and tackle a very difficult curriculum. It shows that you are ambitious. It shows that you care, at least to some degree, about the structure of our society and the laws that reinforce and frame our way of life – and make freedom possible.

To “Get It”

Some people want a law degree so that they can better manage their lives. Consider how beneficial it is for someone growing a business or a brand to understand their own contracts, the laws concerning their business, and know how to use their lawyers effectively.

Think about how much more power it gives them as a negotiator.

Family Business

This is a fantastic reason to get a law degree. There is nothing like carrying on the established family business. The business is established and a decent living is virtually assured. Of course, that comes with another set of required navigational tools.

Family can be counted upon to present us with our most challenging negotiations. Your new law degree and entry into the family practice will stir up the status quo. It might cause some uneasiness with other, unrelated attorneys in the practice.

Knowing how to negotiate will help you navigate the pecking order, establish trust, and negotiate effectively for what you want – even if you are negotiating with a parent or sibling. Knowing how to think creatively can help you improve the practice and lead your family business into a more prosperous state.

The Money

It’s true. Some people go into law for the money. Truthfully, that reason is practically out of (immediate) reach to most new law graduates. But it’s not a bad reason…

Still, there has to be something more, or you might end up hating your job while you struggle to pay off student loans. That has been happening a lot – but you already know that.

The bottom line is affected by the bottom line. To be truly happy you have to have the money to support yourself and have a passion for your work. That’s the recipe for true success.

You Can Love Your Job And Make A Good Living!

Negotiation Ninja can show you the tools and teach you the skills to do both. Here you will find those essential elements it takes to get into your game, find your niche, fulfill your dream, make a difference and do it with some degree of financial security.

These are the tools that you need to help you navigate what are usually the toughest parts of becoming and being a lawyer AND ending up where you want to be – not in a job you dread going to every day but in a job you LOVE.

Get the tools and skills you need to kick ass in law school and have a life. These same tools will help you to spank the bar exam, land a job you love and manage your career (and life) so that you make headway toward your goals, fast.

Negotiation Ninja has a coaching class coming up soon that will help you manage information and tap into your creative genius!

Sign up right now for:

Class I – Genius Learning – Clarity & Super Learning Secrets. Starting June 1, 2011!

How can you negotiate well with someone you don’t like?

How can an attorney still do a good job when they have emotionally turned against their client?

This question has been on my mind since watching one of those cooking competition shows the other day. The last two contenders couldn’t have been more different.

One was calm, professional, focused, and quiet – and working, literally, one handed because of an injury.  The other was an obnoxious showboat – an inconsiderate bully with a holier than thou spiel about fatherhood.

Even the judges were rolling their eyes about the latter.  You couldn’t help but pull for the valiant, one-handed contestant.  I found myself not only wanting to see the one-handed contestant win but also hoping to see the other guy lose…

The obnoxious guy won though.  They do that sometimes.

Afterwards I couldn’t help thinking about the people who will run across that guy in negotiations.  He’s out there and he certainly negotiates.  How would you handle a negotiation with him?

With people like that, negotiation is a game and they will likely use tried and true bully techniques and verbal attacks – we’ll talk more about that next week.

Most seasoned mediators and negotiators could handle a guy like that.  They know how to handle difficult people, but what about despicable people?  Sometimes you have to negotiate with them too!

What about the REAL jerks?

Tree at Toomers the morning after winning National Championship

Tree at Toomer's getting rolled after winning National Championship

For example…

So far three attorneys have withdrawn from representing Harvey Updyke Jr. a/k/a “Al From Dadeville”.  He’s the University of Alabama fan who bragged about poisoning the two beautiful, 130 year old live oak trees that anchor Auburn University’s victory tradition.

On a radio show in January 2011, he admitted to poisoning the trees in November – and was pleased with himself for doing so.  Still unrepentant, when he was released on bail, he gave the TV cameramen the “bird”.

Conflicts of interest were cited in every attorney withdrawal.  It makes sense because, here in Alabama, it’s hard to avoid affiliation with one school or the other.  Not to mention that representing this guy could seriously jeopardize an Alabaman’s law practice and reputation.

John Carroll, dean of the Cumberland School of Law at Samford University, commented that three withdrawals in a row seemed excessive.  He further noted. “It’s not only whether or not you have an actual conflict of interest; it’s also whether you and the client can get along.”

So even if they bring in counsel from another state, one with no affiliations with either school, that counsel will still be dealing with a difficult, unlikable client.  They will still be dealing with an unrepentant tree killer who flips off the press…

Legal representation is often one, long negotiation between attorney and client.  They work closely together and need to communicate well.  How can you negotiate well with someone you don’t like – or worse, find despicable?  Here are a few ways that come to mind:

Look for something, anything in the other person that you can congruently like, respect, appreciate or commend.

In his book “Infuence: The Psychology Of Persuasion”, Dr. Cialdini talks about the power of “Liking”.  Indeed, it is a very powerful negotiation and rapport tool.  Most people think that it means getting them to like you.  While that certainly helps, liking the other person can be even more powerful as a negotiation tool.  It disarms the other party and validates their need to be liked and appreciated.

Everybody has something good going on in his or her personality or life.  Even if you can’t see it, even if it happened a long time ago, everyone has done something positive.

Maybe they are a good parent.  Maybe they are good at their work.  Maybe they are active in some community effort.  Maybe they just haven’t caused as much trouble as they could have (this is almost always the case!).

If you can find just one positive thing to focus on, you will begin to elicit better behaviors from the person with whom you are negotiating.  If you have ever had to pull a frayed shoelace through a grommet by one single thread, you have the general idea.  Find that one thing and work it until you sense a shift in attitude.

If you can’t do that, try this:  Unconditional Acceptance.

Years ago my acting professor said that good theater helped people to “willingly suspend their perception of reality” so that they could fully experience the fantasy of good theater.  Life can be pretty good theater that can sometimes benefit from a “willing suspension of reality”… When nothing else works, that reality suspension can help you get the job done.

The late, great humanist Dr. Carl Rogers advocated using Unconditional Positive Regard to help patients express themselves more fully during therapy.  He encouraged therapists to unconditionally accept and support their patients, regardless of what the person said or did.  In other words he encouraged them to accept the patient and suspend judgment about the patient’s value or worth as a person.

Dr. Carl Rogers

Unconditional Positive Regard creates an environment that helps people take responsibility for their actions and grow emotionally.  Basically, it’s about accepting and valuing a person despite any perceived failings – always keeping in mind that there is good in everyone.

This is a very powerful negotiation tool!

The positive regard part might be hard for most mortals, so acceptance seems an easier route.  What that entails is accepting the person for who they are and accepting that their act was congruent with their personality.

When you use unconditional acceptance with someone (a coworker, negotiation partner, client) you tacitly give them permission to drop any façade they may be using and reveal their true feelings in a safe environment.  You validate their experience and help them to feel more comfortable sharing information with you.

In the case of bullies, jerks, and Al From Dadeville, it may open the door to some of their more redeeming qualities.  Finding and focusing on those better qualities can help an attorney or negotiator willingly do their job – and do a better job.

Try these techniques over the weekend and let me know the results!

How do the people around you react to you differently when you actively suspend judgment (even about small stuff) and accept them without condition?

Happy Friday and Happy Negotiating!

Nancy

Welcome to 2011!

This year has gotten off to a mighty start for me, and I hope that things are going well for all of you.

So far this year I am in the midst of editing my current book about accelerated learning (“Super Learning Secrets,” look for it at the beginning of February), working on another book – tentatively called “What You Don’t Know About Contracts Can Hurt You!  Questions to ask and have answered before you sign anything.” (coming in March), and creating a new class called “How To Master Difficult Conversations” (see bottom of this post!).

The holidays were wonderful for me and, of course, a time of learning – but aren’t they always? Well, even though the holidays are over, this is the BEST time to evaluate your past holiday performances and begin deciding how you want next year to unfold.   You may want to make some changes in your holiday “negotiation” techniques.

I learned a few things on my own and helped friends and clients through some tough interactions.  Here are some of the best lessons and revelations from friends and clients during the 2010 holiday season along with some clever ways of keeping the peace…

Let’s talk about…

Stress

Stress, of course, is bad.  It’s hard on your body and mind. Recovery time varies.

The holidays can be stressful.  Overspending, constant hurry, ever-growing “to do” lists, changes in hierarchy, the awkwardness of some family gatherings, and the pressure to have a “perfect” holiday fuel stress levels.  Not just that, there are physiological elements to consider like unusual diet changes, schedule interruption, sleeping in strange beds, and sometimes even unusual physical exertion (flag football, handling trees, carrying boxes up ladders…).

Most of the time (normal days), people “go with the flow” and do not have a clear idea of what they want.  However, during the holidays almost everyone has a clear idea of what they want, what they expect, and what they fear will happen and it’s all backed up by emotions.  With everybody running around with these definite ideas, it’s no wonder so many disputes arise!

Off your normal chow, off your normal schedule, out of your element = extra “OFF”!

These things can combine and put you and the people around you on edge.  SO?

For negotiation and communication purposes, there are a few stress effects that are particularly worth noting because they can trip you up in a variety of ways… especially during the holidays…

Sense of Humor

Stress can obliterate a person’s sense of humor.

Ignore this at your peril!  It seems that the more stress a person is under, the less sense of humor they have.  When a person’s sense of humor disappears the result is often heightened sensitivity, taking things very personally, taking things literally, and taking everything (including themselves) much much too seriously.

What to do?

Laughter and humor CAN be very powerful stress relievers.  If you are good at it, go ahead and try to lighten things up – just keep it nice.

If you have a clue or can sense that someone is stressed beyond normal limits, hold off on the jokes.  Opt instead for genuine complements and flattery.  Research shows that even if they are fake they work.

If YOU are experiencing undue stress, hold off on the jokes.  Your stress level may cause your attempt at humor to come off as sarcastic, mean, or both.

Sensitivity

People who are experiencing more stress than normal can be overly sensitive.  Once a nerve has been exposed, it seems to attract “like” experiences and memories.  This happens a lot around family.  Family interactions can trigger “old stuff” – old arguments are revisited, old hurt feelings are re-exposed, and old rivalries are reignited which call for resolution.

The holidays are NOT the time to attempt resolution because you are likely to be:

• Jacked up on sugar
• Under more stress than normal and thus not 100%
• Unprepared – which makes you more likely to say something you will regret
• Reactionary – indignant and possibly sporting a chip on your shoulder
• Either underestimating or overestimating your power
• Easily intimidated by tactics used on you in childhood (we all fall back into old patterns sometimes…)
• Revealing about what power you DO have
• Sure that they know all your weaknesses
• Setting goals too low – too close to your walk away – or WORSE, not knowing what you want, choosing an outcome or committing to something arbitrarily, and getting stuck with it forever.

What to do?

Procrastinate.  Put off the conversation.  Refuse to take part.  Reject the bait.  If it is really important, it can probably wait.  If it is an old wound or axe to grind, it can possibly wait indefinitely.

You are not “you” when you are too far out of your normal mindset.  Wait until you feel “normal” again (whatever that is for you) before engaging in important conversations or negotiations!

Picking For Practice

Another thing that seems to happen at family gatherings is what I call “practice sparring”.  In other words, sometimes people pick fights at family gatherings just to get practice that they cannot get in the outside world.  Sometimes there is a “real” issue behind it, like jealousy, and sometimes it’s just wanton picking.

Here is a great story from this past holiday season about Picking For Practice:

“It was a family dinner before Christmas, and I undercooked rice by a little bit.  I was doing a hundred things in the kitchen and the rice was just shy of done.  But what a stink about the rice!

I am a good cook.  I cook all of the time, and I feed these people often – they know that I am a good cook.  However, within seconds I was being told how to make rice.  There were snide remarks about me needing to ‘read the back of the bag’.  I was even directed to cookbooks with ‘good recipes for rice’.  It went on and on.  I have made rice successfully a billion times – for them.  In the past this probably would have sent me over the emotional edge.  I was really proud of myself for redirecting the conversation to something else, fast.”

This client was right not to take the bait.  You never know if there may be some “real” issue behind the petty picking.  If she had taken the bait, she may have opened a Pandora’s box of issues.

As tempting as it might seem, ignore the bait.  If someone really wants to ignite conflict, make him or her work hard for it and only engage if you are truly prepared for what may lie beneath the surface.

What to do?

What do you do when you are caught in confrontation?

• Stay calm.  Breathe.
• Remember that it really has very little to do with you anyway (unless you are the one picking!)
• Let the other person rant undisturbed until they have nothing left to say.
• Respond slowly and deliberately – take your time and use silence to mute the immediate effect of conflict
• Redirect to another subject if possible (Is the cat eating the turkey? Are the kids playing in the street?  Better go check on them!)
• Redirect toward a truce – ask questions, “what can we do to make this better right now?”, “How can I help?”, “what is your best possible outcome for this?”
• Schedule a talk for another time (chances are, after things calm down and life gets back to normal, the issue will fade away) – “It’s the holidays, I really want everyone to have a great time, you included.  Can we talk about this after the holidays when we can both give it the attention it deserves?”
• Do whatever you can to help them “save face”.  This will lower the chances of it happening again and will help you in later conversations on the subject (if they ever happen).
• We will be discussing some other, powerful techniques in the upcoming “Mastering Difficult Conversations” coaching class – check out the announcement at the bottom of this post!

What about next year?  How will we put these lessons and revelations to use during the 2011 holidays?

Planning for difficult conversations is both possible and advisable.  If you know or can reasonably predict the sort of conflict that is likely to arise during the holidays, plan accordingly.

Make sure you have plenty of interesting things to talk about that are fun and positive, not negative or inflammatory.

Have some good compliments on hand and dole them out frequently.  Steel yourself against the major stressors and schedule time every day to clear your head (a walk, a short meditation, some good music, a book).

Be ready to diffuse tense conversations.  If you are spending the holidays with loved ones (friends or family), you know them and you know what will come up!  Most arguments are really predictable and some are even repeated annually.  You know what they are! It’s up to you to stop the cycle!

Remember: it may take a few days after the holidays to get back on your normal routine and diet.  If you can, wait a while after the holidays before negotiating anything, having major conversations, or making big decisions.

Another way to prepare for next year’s holidays and for every aspect of your life is to join us for…

Negotiation Ninja

Presents

How To Master Difficult Conversations

Details, times, etc… will be posted early next week!

In the meantime, I would love to hear from you all and find out what you learned over the holidays and what your year holds in store!

Happy 2011!

Nancy

This topic has been on my “to write about” list since I read an article in the Wall Street Journal almost a year ago.  “Why Gen-Y Johnny Can’t Read Nonverbal Cues”, By Mark Bauerlein.  It got lost in the shuffle somehow and I looked at it again today to send to a friend.  Here is the article:

Mr. Bauerlein writes about how people who are growing up with cell phones, iPods, email, etc…are losing their ability to read subtle, culturally based, non-verbal communication.  He calls it the “silent language”.  This is an unnerving thought!  It means that as technology becomes more and more the “rule”, people using the technology are losing their ability to notice emotions in other people.

It’s a big deal on any day but becomes a serious problem in situations in which verbal or written communication is not an option – like during a business meeting or when the person you are discussing has just entered the room unseen…

In fact, nonverbal communication represents 50%-80% of our overall communication.  Losing even half of that cuts off a substantial amount of valuable information about the people around you.

One of the comments to this article was by Brian Brown:

“A young man’s career might suffer because he can’t recognize humor without a smiley face, or because his unconscious shifting and sighing irritates his boss, or because he communicates disinterest by constantly turning back to his iPhone. Or as Bauerlein suggests, diplomat who knows Japanese words but not Japanese linguistic or nonverbal customs is likely to make some major blunders.”

I agree.

“Disadvantaged” – the Digital People

Unless the “Digital People” or “Digitals” recognize their disadvantage and learn to recognize emotional cues, the wool really is over their eyes.  In addition, a large part of this population probably won’t be able to control their own outward show of emotion very well.  That puts them at a serious disadvantage in communications or negotiations with trained communicators.

Basically, their inability to accurately read people’s emotions sets them up to be taken advantage of “six ways to Sunday”.  In other words, they are an easy mark for unethical negotiators…they won’t stand a chance!

When the chips are on the table, they won’t be able to “read” the other players and they’ll lose their chips!  It’s like emotional blindness.

So what?  Why should you care?

3 Ways This Can Make Or Break Your Practice:

Your Network,

Big Deals,

Exposure to Liability

Your Network

When you hire someone, they represent YOU, your reputation, and your business. When you hire a new associate, paralegal, assistant, etc…you are inviting them into your network.  From inside your network they can either build bridges or tear them down.  Protect your network by making sure that you have good communicators on your team!

What is a network anyway?

It’s your support system.  It’s your trusted circle and then some.  They are friends, college roommates, colleagues, and professional acquaintances.  They know you.  You know them.  The relationship is built on familiarity and mutual respect.  You usually like one another and share common interests.

The people in your network likely have at least one thing in common: they have either met you in person or were referred by a friend.

Real networks are built to last.  The best and strongest networks are forged around dinner tables, on the golf course, and at other social events.  They are created not as a tool, but upon genuine common interest.  The good ones are like live oak trees – perennials that get stronger and better with time.

No matter what size your practice is, strong networks are necessary to grow your business.  If you want your practice to succeed, you and your associates must actively network – in person.  In order to be an effective communicator, you must know how to do it well.

The “Official Preppy Handbook” has a funny and brilliantly accurate flow chart that shows how the “old boy networks” work.  Having seen the old boys in action, I can tell you it’s spot on.

For example, one of my written recommendations for law school came via a friend of my mother.  He secured a recommendation for me from his old friend Jimmy Fitzmorris, who is a prominent businessman in Louisiana.   There was one condition: Jimmy wanted to meet me in person.

I was nervous on the day I drove to New Orleans to meet him.  His office was massive and intimidating – he called it his “war room”.  His desk was massive.  The walls were totally covered with framed awards, letters of thanks, keys to cities, and lots and lots of photos of Jimmy… shaking hands with the president, tarpon fishing with the governor, having a drink with Wayne Newton at a Mardi Gras ball.  THAT’S how you network!!

We had a brief meeting.  He was a truly gracious and wonderful communicator.  He easily to put me at ease and we had a good conversation.  He wrote me a glowing recommendation that helped me get into a highly competitive law school.

Ideally, new associates will bring their own network with them and will continue to expand their sphere of influence while working for you – helping you grow your practice to the benefit of all involved.  Look for new hires that can demonstrate that they already have a solid (even if small) network.

Big Deals and Big Cases

This is obvious – the bigger the deal or case, the less room for error and the more important it becomes to have accurate communication.

Big deals always involve face-to-face communication and extensive negotiation.  Unless you plan on doing it all by yourself, you will a least need competent sidekick to help you bring the deal to fruition.  Big cases can involve a multitude of complex interactions that must be not only handled well, but must also be accurately communicated to the principal attorneys.

In 1998 I witnessed an extreme lesson in communication.  My father was a maritime personal injury plaintiff’s attorney trying a Jones Act case in federal court.   The judge prohibited the inclusion of a specific photograph as evidence of an injury because he thought it was too gruesome to show to the jury.  One of the Dad’s paralegals misunderstood the instructions and included the photograph with the materials submitted as evidence.

Dad’s client was awarded 3.3 million dollars for his injury.  There was much rejoicing…until the defense counsel discovered that the photo had been submitted in error…  While Dad managed to get a retrial, he had to try the whole case over again – from the top.  It was an expensive and arduous price to pay for a mis-communication.  To his credit, he managed to win an even larger award without the inflammatory photo.

Great communication skills are an asset BUT poor communication skills expose you to liability!

The bottom line is your bottom line.  Your success rests largely on your reputation.  When you hire people you effectively entrust them with your reputation and your business success.  It’s hard to tell how people will act under pressure until you see it firsthand, so take care to screen new hires very carefully.

If you are hiring someone who is exceptionally tech savvy, triple check their social aptitude because they will eventually be dealing with clients and they will certainly be dealing with your support staff.  Can they detect “stuffed” anger?  Can they tell when someone is in “fight or flight”?  Can they think on their feet and get rapport, even in extreme circumstances – like dealing with an irate judge?

Be aware that your new associate is probably not very good at communication and is probably secretly terrified of public speaking.  After all, it is widely understood that 90% of the population would rather die than speak in public…

Poor communication and inability to focus can wreak havoc on trial preparation.  A rude secretary can ruin your practice.  A hotheaded associate, experiencing real stress for the first time, might lose his cool in court and blow it for you (or create an embarrassing mess that you have to clean up)!

People assume that attorneys know how to communicate well.  While some do, it is usually because of life experience.  Attorneys generally don’t learn communication in law school, they learn how to research and argue.  Most law schools do NOT teach students how to calm a panicked client in the middle of the night (I had to do that once!) or deal with an opposing counsel who is using bully tactics…

For best results, everyone in your firm should be able to communicate fluently in all modalities – face-to-face, verbal, nonverbal, text, email, phone, real “snail mail” letters, and whatever else comes into use.  With all of the new technology, the potential for mis-communication has actually gone up.  That means liability risk and the potential for legal malpractice claims has gone up too.

Eliminate The Unknown – Get Trained!

The most efficient way to eliminate the possibility of potentially catastrophic communication mishaps is to be trained and to train your associates and support staff.  Your result will be less office drama, better client relations, fewer mistakes, more business (referrals! A stronger network!), and better deals.

Negotiation Ninja offers a variety of New Associate trainings and will customize any training to best suit your firm’s needs.  Don’t just wait for the bomb to go off, diffuse it!

Call today and build your Negotiation Ninja team!

Cheers,

Nancy T. Hand, JD

334.524.8437

Nancy@NegotiationNinja.com

A Message From Rudyard Kipling!

Yesterday I got so mired in left-brain thinking that I needed to make a big shift over to my right-brain to get some writing done.  While there are many ways of doing this, I needed to find a poem about trees to anyway.  I decided to see if reading poetry would help me to shift into a more creative mindset.

I pulled a book from my collection of books about English and as I flipped through it, looking for poems about trees, I got lost in the poetry.  It worked!  Time sure flies when you are in the right-brain!

Poetry was a forgotten treasure for me – not anymore!  The thinking style, precision, and emotional detail that you can learn from poetry are valuable communication resources.

A Rudyard Kipling poem, “If” stood out to me.  It is one of Kipling’s more popular works and I read it long ago in a poetry class in undergraduate school.  It seemed so on point for negotiation that I read it through a few times.

Drawn from his own personal experience and keen observation, Kipling distilled, into four brilliantly precise stanzas, life lessons and virtues that are still relevant today.  While this poem seems to be written for his son, it was at least partly inspired by Sir Leander Starr Jameson’s handling of a badly failed raid (“The Jameson Raid”) in Africa.

In each stanza, Kipling elegantly tackles some of the core skills needed to succeed in life – and especially in negotiation! He covers many virtues that make a great (and dignified) negotiator.  My commentary follows the poem:

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

So what is Kipling saying here?  How does it apply to you and me?

Congruence

Congruence is power because it provides a stable base for everything you do, every decision you make.  Know who you are, know your purpose, and trust yourself.  When you are congruent, it is easier to hold on to your ideals and not be swayed by the ideas, anger, blame, and panic of other people.  You will make better decisions and communicate from a place of power, not fear.

Emotional Control

Keep your cool and your focus no matter what is going on around you.  When you are able to hold your own emotional balance, you have greater understanding of the emotions of others and how to best approach them.  Emotional state control also enables you to have better access to your problem-solving resources.

Understanding

Don’t take it personally when people disagree with you – or even attack you!  You don’t have enough information to condemn their beliefs or their behavior.

Also, their opinions might contain information that proves useful to you.  Stay open to constructive criticism.  When you understand that people are acting based on their experience (and their behavior rarely has to do with you), nobody can hurt you – not enemies, not close friends, not even family.

Patience

Things sometimes happen in time – and that is often a good thing.  Be patient and don’t let time passing cause you undue stress.  Trust that things will work out.

Avoid Standing Out For No Reason

Avoid standing out just to stand out. Stand out because you have something to say or something to offer and a valid reason to be recognized.  If you stand out with a purpose, you will be able to answer or field criticism in a dignified way – with information.

Have A Goal

Dream with purpose – have a goal – and be flexible about it.  Sometimes our dreams come true in unexpected ways.   When you lock in to things having to happen in a specific way, you lock up some of your resources and close off other avenues of possibility.  Let it happen in natural ways.

That said, think with purpose, plan, and don’t let your mind meander – stay on point.

Be Tough, Be Persistent, Roll With Life

Life is an experience.  Things are going to happen but they don’t happen to you, you experience life.  So stay on your toes and take your highs and lows for what they are – experience and information.

You may experience unpleasant things – your words may be twisted and your projects may be torn apart by others.  Keep your own counsel when you can, choose your words with care, and be prepared to shelve your ego from time to time.

When life deals you a bit of adversity, keep going!  Bank the experience, learn from your mistakes and move on to bigger and better things.  Keep going!  The worst thing you can do is give up (because giving up is giving up on you!)!

Take A Risk

Take risks! It’s part of a full and satisfying life!  If you gamble, make it a big goal – a worthy payout.  Be prepared, however, to “lose” gracefully.

In other words, before you role the dice, be sure you are tough enough to weather the possibility of losing it all.  Dale Carnegie believed that being “OK” with your worst possible outcome was the key to calm and worry free living.  I agree.

If you do lose it all, don’t whine about it to anyone.  Here I’ll refer to an excerpt of another great poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox “Solitude”:

“Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.”

Too true.

Your Purpose Has Immense Power

Your “purpose” is an extra store of energy for you.  When you are congruent and have a purpose, you will have the strength to keep going even when you feel utterly exhausted.  Your will to achieve is a powerful thing.

I had the good fortune to hear Nien Cheng, author of “Life and Death in Shanghai”, speak in 1989. Her story was humbling and heroic.

She was a wealthy widow of an oil executive falsely accused by the Red Guard of being a spy.  Her purpose kept her alive and sane for 6 1/2 years despite daily beatings and life in a cold cell too small for her to lie down in.

When I saw her she was poised, dignified, and truly forgiving of her accusers.  Her purpose had been freedom and to “make up for lost time”.  She eventually got both.  She lived a full life and died at 94 years old.  That’s how much power “purpose” can have.

How strong is your purpose?

Know Thyself

As Socrates put it, “Know Thyself”.  Know yourself well enough to maintain your individuality amongst “the crowd” whatever your crowd might be.  Know yourself well enough to be who you are, even when you achieve privileged status.  Be kind.

Cultivate Allies

Cultivate alliances with others, but do not cultivate dependants.

Enjoy Yourself!

Instead of looking to others for your entertainment, learn to entertain yourself and enjoy your time alone, being who you are.

Enjoy!

Nancy

2.19.10

The Magical Power of Photoreading!

Sometimes you find a great tool, technology, or method that you have to share with everyone who will listen – it’s just too good.  Photoreading is one I’d like to share with you.  It’s really amazing stuff!! I have been using it since the early 1990’s and it has made my life so much easier.  Indeed, I don’t know where I would be without it.  It literally buys you time!

In three weeks I am going to refresh my Photoreading skills!  The timing is perfect because I am currently taking in and processing an enormous amount of information.  There just never seems to be enough time to study and learn (and there is SO much more to learn).  I am ready to polish my skills…

Photoreading is a reading tool that helps the reader to read faster and more thoroughly.  It’s not speed-reading, it’s more like developing super fast photographic memory using your peripheral vision to take information directly into long-term memory.  In order to successfully use the information, you must “call it up” or “activate it” out of long-term memory.

I met a gentleman once who was suffering from macular degeneration and could ONLY read with his peripheral vision.  He said that it always took a few days for him to truly comprehend the things he read.  The same thing often applies to Photoreading, especially with complex material.

Not everybody gets the profound results that I have.  Maybe that’s because it takes focus and practice to gain real proficiency.  In my opinion, the result is well worth the effort!

This is my Photoreading story…

In College

I learned Photoreading in the early 1990’s when I was in undergraduate school and started using it right away.  My grades got better and I was able to pile on the work with extra hours – I was ready to get out of school!

Photoreading helped me get through all of the technical classes and labs easily, like math, computer science and statistics.  It also enabled me to synthesize easily from multiple sources so my essays and papers flowed well.

In the middle of my third year it was apparent that horticulture wasn’t my thing but I had a lot of English credits, enough that all I needed were a few math classes (which I had been putting off) and some electives to graduate.  What would I do with an English degree?  What else, go to law school!

I studied my university’s policies and discovered that, if I had completed my core curriculum, I could use the first year of law school as my last year of undergraduate school.  It sounded like a great idea to me!  It was a (very) rarely used policy clause that required talking both schools into going along with my plan.  The undergraduate university would waive the requirement of having the last 30 hours of study be at the university and the law school conditionally waived the requirement of a diploma.  Double dipping at its finest!

However,  I had to somehow take two math classes and a statistics class in two semesters.  In order to even get to that point I had to test out of a remedial math by re-taking my ACT.  That would be a miracle!

My advisor rolled her eyes, told me it was impossible, but eventually let me try anyway.

Math had always scared me and while my earlier ACT scores were 24 and 26 respectively – my scores on the math section were 4 and 5, respectively (yes, really).  I needed a 19 or above on the math section to test out of the remedial math I was supposed to take.  A 5 to a 19 is a big jump!

So I Photoread old math books and anything else I could get my hands on.  It was really the only thing I knew to do because time was short and I couldn’t just “learn math” that fast.  Half the time I didn’t even know what I was Photoreading!

I did it!

I took my LSAT one weekend and the ACT the next.  I made a 19 on the math section, tested out of remedial math and ended up in a math class that was WAY over my head – Photoreading (and a tutor) to the rescue again and again!  I passed both math classes and the statistics (took one math and statistics in an 18hr semester!) and ultimately graduated with a 3.7 – cum laude.

Law School

I was able to convince both my undergraduate university and the law school of my choice to go along with my proposal!  Because of Photoreading, I was able to work, clerk and have an active social life while I was in law school.  There was so much reading and sometimes it was very dry.  I was able to plow through homework painlessly.  It’s the best study tool I have ever used!

The Bar Exam

The Louisiana Bar Exam is 21.5 hours of timed essay questions (typed or handwritten) on 9 topic areas of law.  You have to pass 7 of the 9 sections to pass and must pass 4 of the 5 “code” sections to pass outright.

I had about 6 weeks to study and was also preparing a photo exhibit that went on display in the World Trade Market in Dallas the week of the bar exam.  Since my “darkroom” was only truly dark at night, I chose to skip the evening bar prep course and studied the books and tapes instead.  Unfortunately the tapes had a flaw that caused loud, random sound spikes.  I set them aside and just studied the books.

I Photoread the books a lot during the day.  Of course I did other things to prepare for the bar – there was definite method to the madness.  Still, I really think that the Photoreading contributed a great deal to my success.  I just didn’t have to study as much as everyone else.

I felt really confident going into the exam and even purposefully skipped a section (didn’t even study it) because the law in the area had just changed and they told us to know both sets of laws.  Forget that!  Instead, I studied in the parking garage of the Super Dome (where the exam was held) while everyone else took that section.

In fact, in the parking garage I Photoread someone else’s notes for “Negotiable Instruments”, which I had never studied before, and passed that section of the bar too!

When I sat down in any given test, I would quietly Photoread the whole exam 4x, then read through the whole thing without making notes, then read through again making margin notes, then outline.  By the time I started writing my answer, 1 of the 3 hours had probably passed.  Once, a tablemate actually prompted me to write!

Thanks to Photoreading, my blue books were beautiful!  My answers were clear, tidy, easy to read, and to the point.  Not once did I have to scratch anything out or make other corrections.  Best of all, I passed the whole bar exam the first time!

Over the years I have grown to rely on Photoreading for the bulk of my preliminary studies.  It sets the stage for fast learning and helps me tune directly in to the information I need and synthesize multiple sources easily.  This upcoming class is going to re-tune me to the art of Photoreading in its proper (not Nancyfied) form.  I can’t wait to be turbo-charged!

I highly recommend Photoreading to anyone who wants to turbo-charge their ability to learn, process, synthesize, research etc…!!

Be a Ninja (learner)!

Nancy

PS – Parents, this is a tool kids can use!  Why not teach them when they are young?  Start them on the “gifted” track early by giving them the tools to excel – this is certainly one of them!

Last night one of my best friends left a hilarious message on my voice mail…  Because of my intellectual property (IP) background, she was calling to ask me for my take on the “Who Dat?” scandal between the people of New Orleans, LA and the National Football League (NFL).  In the message she dramatically threatened to paint her house black and gold (with fleur de lis, of course!).

The “Who Dat?” dispute has evoked some seriously passionate responses from the fan base in New Orleans and around the world!  I’m mad about it too – the saying is a part of Louisiana culture at this point and it cannot and should not be regulated.

Louisiana is the land of civil code, parishes, and drive through daiquiris. This is a state in which I was driving legally at 15 years old, and drinking legally at 18! We don’t conform without a fight.

Not just that, in the wake of tragedy, Louisiana needs to truly savor and revel in this good fortune…

So here are my thoughts (opinions!) on the matter:

The NFL has already lost.

New Orleans and Louisiana have already won.

The NFL probably doesn’t own the rights to “Who Dat?”

Read on for my reasoning…

The NFL has already lost.

It’s a miracle! The Saints are going to the Super Bowl!! But it didn’t happen overnight.  This team has been getting better and better over the years and the fan base has been getting bigger and more enthusiastic.

That means the overall NFL fan base has been growing with it.  New fans have joined the bandwagon and past fans have returned to the flock – fresh blood in the mix!  These fans have been watching more football and buying more merchandise.

So why?  Why would the NFL screw up a truly “Rudy” football moment – when the fans are warm and fuzzy, thankful and grateful, loving their team, the sport, and the NFL that makes it all possible?  Why ruin the Rudy moment by alienating an invigorated and enthusiastic fan base?

In the name of marketing/licensing dollars, the NFL has completely blown an opportunity to build untold goodwill with this fan base, uplift New Orleans, and boost its underlying economy.

Instead of nurturing this new fan/customer base, they alienated it by sending cease and desist letters to the local silk screeners, and “mom & pop” vendors.  When they could have promoted local businesses and created even more goodwill in the fan base, they dug in on the position of “owning” local slang that is part of the culture.

Such frivolous squandering of goodwill!  What half-cocked, stuffed shirt attorney did this?  My guess is that they have litigation attorneys managing their IP and their PR departments.  It’s just a thought…

My father used to use the term “false economy”.  He used it when he saw that we were using valuable, productive time trying to save a buck.  False economy happens when your short-term “gains” equal long-term losses…  So even if this dispute creates a stir now (more press coverage, etc…), alienating this fan/customer base is false economy in the long run!

I hope those “mom & pop” vendors are keeping track of the money they are losing by complying with the (bogus?) cease and desist letters.  That information may come in handy later.

New Orleans and Louisiana have already won.

Louisiana loves Saints football and the recent wins brought the state together with a sense pride and winning (finally, winning…).  However, this “Who Dat?” dispute has galvanized that sense of unity.  For the first time in a long time, Louisiana is truly bonding within its borders.

This dispute has created an “us against them” mindset that brings people together.  Nothing unifies the populous like having a common enemy.   It has even given Jindal an opportunity to do something almost endearing…

Hopefully this is a tipping point, the threshold at which Louisiana begins to take back its power and appreciate the enormous potential within its borders – like its natural resources – including gastronomy, culture, language, music, and art.  Maybe this is the point when Louisiana bands together and begins to take more pride in its uniqueness and beauty.

Who Dat gonna buy an NFL sanctioned, mass-produced, made in China “Who Dat?” shirt now?  Not me, and not New Orleans.  I think this is a fine time to showcase Louisiana creativity and artistry – make your own “Who Dat?” shirt!

The NFL probably doesn’t own the rights to “Who Dat?”

OK.  Caveat.  This is my off-the-cuff opinion after 5 years away from the active practice of law AND this is ONLY in regard to “Who Dat?”  They may have the IP rights on their particular version of the fleur de lis.

“Who Dat?” would likely fall under trademark law, not copyright.  As far as trademark goes, the only one I have seen was the Louisiana trademark registration.  At the risk of discounting the value of state trademarks, they don’t offer the same protection as federal and usually have pretty lenient standards.

The federal trademark process involves examination and research by trained trademark attorneys. There is a pending registration in the United States Patent and Trademark Office that was filed January 7, 2010 by “Who Dat?, Inc.” of Hammond, LA, but it has not yet been processed. They will turn down marks with more substance than this one – and I will watch this one closely to see if it ever reaches the principal register.

IF the NFL had a valid trademark (not likely, but let’s just play with the thought) a few things to consider might be…

The mark may be considered abandoned through non-use.  I don’t know who has been producing “Who Dat?” merchandise and actively using the mark for merchandising, however, if the NFL did not actively use it for a period of 2 or more years, it may be deemed abandoned and in the public domain.

The mark may be deemed abandoned through failure to enforce IP rights.  Failure to defend your trademark against infringement results in abandonment. NFL has had ample opportunity to crack down on infringers.

Certainly NFL knew (or should have known) of infringement before now. Every time the Saints play, the stands are full of non-NFL sanctioned shirts, hats, etc…  It has been in public view and on camera for a long time – so it’s a little too late claim infringement now.

That said…in 2001 I read a story about a gentleman named Uzi Nissan.  He has/had a small, local computer repair store in North Carolina.  He registered www.nissan.com in 1994 and in 2001 was sued by Nissan motors for “cyberquatting”.  He told Salon.com that the ordeal “ruined his business, ruined his marriage, and ruined his life”.  Click on the link above and find out all about it.

In other words, suing the NFL might be the way to go but it would be expensive!! Louisiana would be better off sending their very best negotiators in first to work this out with the NFL.

I don’t know what “winning” is in this instance.  I do know that it would include a good, working relationship with the NFL that leaves the populous of the State of Louisiana feeling as though their dignity and culture are intact enough to thoroughly relish this Super Bowl.  Geaux Saints!!!

Who Dat!!??

I love this part of the year.  Spring is on the way and with it comes a fresh outlook and spring planning.  Planning is such a rewarding process – in negotiation, in business, and in life.

For me, the year really comes alive when I prepare new goals/desires/intentions for the coming year, do some assessing, look at what worked out last year, what didn’t, and why…

Every year, more of the goals I set for myself come to fruition – and these are big, juicy goals!  Last year I got 83% accuracy on 25 pages worth of personal intentions and goals (that number may end up being 87% – I’ll keep you posted).  This year I’m aiming for 100+%.

Not just that, I often jot down little goals and sometimes stumble upon them long after the fact.  I am always amazed that I have yet to pick one up that did not work out as per my intention – or better!

Sometimes I feel a little silly taking the time to do this, despite the obvious reasons to do so.  It can be a time consuming process and it would be easy to try to slap it together in one day, like I used to in the beginning.  These days I am getting much much better results from my efforts…

Many people I know do this for their businesses and stop there.  Not me!  Sure, I update the business plan – but I also plan the rest of life too. This may seem tediously “type A” to most people.  However, once the plan is built in a way that is compelling and fun to read, life takes on a new dimension.  Things begin to flow and “happy coincidences” become the norm.

Planning actually lifts a certain degree of stress off of me during the rest of the year.  The more I plan in this first month, the better things go over the course of the year.

This is old-school stuff that really works – in business and in life.  You can achieve more with less effort when you write down your goals.  If you Google “Why write down your goals” you will get roughly 11,000,000 hits!  But how many people ever do it?

I discovered a long time ago that even if I only wrote down my goals once, the chances of them manifesting in my life were much greater.  Over the years I have found many ways to “beef up” the process and get far more out of it.

This year I am taking a little bit of extra time to thoroughly document this process so that I can share it with you.  Stay tuned!

Nancy