A Message From Rudyard Kipling!
Yesterday I got so mired in left-brain thinking that I needed to make a big shift over to my right-brain to get some writing done. While there are many ways of doing this, I needed to find a poem about trees to anyway. I decided to see if reading poetry would help me to shift into a more creative mindset.
I pulled a book from my collection of books about English and as I flipped through it, looking for poems about trees, I got lost in the poetry. It worked! Time sure flies when you are in the right-brain!
Poetry was a forgotten treasure for me – not anymore! The thinking style, precision, and emotional detail that you can learn from poetry are valuable communication resources.
A Rudyard Kipling poem, “If” stood out to me. It is one of Kipling’s more popular works and I read it long ago in a poetry class in undergraduate school. It seemed so on point for negotiation that I read it through a few times.
Drawn from his own personal experience and keen observation, Kipling distilled, into four brilliantly precise stanzas, life lessons and virtues that are still relevant today. While this poem seems to be written for his son, it was at least partly inspired by Sir Leander Starr Jameson’s handling of a badly failed raid (“The Jameson Raid”) in Africa.
In each stanza, Kipling elegantly tackles some of the core skills needed to succeed in life – and especially in negotiation! He covers many virtues that make a great (and dignified) negotiator. My commentary follows the poem:
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!
So what is Kipling saying here? How does it apply to you and me?
Congruence
Congruence is power because it provides a stable base for everything you do, every decision you make. Know who you are, know your purpose, and trust yourself. When you are congruent, it is easier to hold on to your ideals and not be swayed by the ideas, anger, blame, and panic of other people. You will make better decisions and communicate from a place of power, not fear.
Emotional Control
Keep your cool and your focus no matter what is going on around you. When you are able to hold your own emotional balance, you have greater understanding of the emotions of others and how to best approach them. Emotional state control also enables you to have better access to your problem-solving resources.
Understanding
Don’t take it personally when people disagree with you – or even attack you! You don’t have enough information to condemn their beliefs or their behavior.
Also, their opinions might contain information that proves useful to you. Stay open to constructive criticism. When you understand that people are acting based on their experience (and their behavior rarely has to do with you), nobody can hurt you – not enemies, not close friends, not even family.
Patience
Things sometimes happen in time – and that is often a good thing. Be patient and don’t let time passing cause you undue stress. Trust that things will work out.
Avoid Standing Out For No Reason
Avoid standing out just to stand out. Stand out because you have something to say or something to offer and a valid reason to be recognized. If you stand out with a purpose, you will be able to answer or field criticism in a dignified way – with information.
Have A Goal
Dream with purpose – have a goal – and be flexible about it. Sometimes our dreams come true in unexpected ways. When you lock in to things having to happen in a specific way, you lock up some of your resources and close off other avenues of possibility. Let it happen in natural ways.
That said, think with purpose, plan, and don’t let your mind meander – stay on point.
Be Tough, Be Persistent, Roll With Life
Life is an experience. Things are going to happen but they don’t happen to you, you experience life. So stay on your toes and take your highs and lows for what they are – experience and information.
You may experience unpleasant things – your words may be twisted and your projects may be torn apart by others. Keep your own counsel when you can, choose your words with care, and be prepared to shelve your ego from time to time.
When life deals you a bit of adversity, keep going! Bank the experience, learn from your mistakes and move on to bigger and better things. Keep going! The worst thing you can do is give up (because giving up is giving up on you!)!
Take A Risk
Take risks! It’s part of a full and satisfying life! If you gamble, make it a big goal – a worthy payout. Be prepared, however, to “lose” gracefully.
In other words, before you role the dice, be sure you are tough enough to weather the possibility of losing it all. Dale Carnegie believed that being “OK” with your worst possible outcome was the key to calm and worry free living. I agree.
If you do lose it all, don’t whine about it to anyone. Here I’ll refer to an excerpt of another great poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox “Solitude”:
“Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.”
Too true.
Your Purpose Has Immense Power
Your “purpose” is an extra store of energy for you. When you are congruent and have a purpose, you will have the strength to keep going even when you feel utterly exhausted. Your will to achieve is a powerful thing.
I had the good fortune to hear Nien Cheng, author of “Life and Death in Shanghai”, speak in 1989. Her story was humbling and heroic.
She was a wealthy widow of an oil executive falsely accused by the Red Guard of being a spy. Her purpose kept her alive and sane for 6 1/2 years despite daily beatings and life in a cold cell too small for her to lie down in.
When I saw her she was poised, dignified, and truly forgiving of her accusers. Her purpose had been freedom and to “make up for lost time”. She eventually got both. She lived a full life and died at 94 years old. That’s how much power “purpose” can have.
How strong is your purpose?
Know Thyself
As Socrates put it, “Know Thyself”. Know yourself well enough to maintain your individuality amongst “the crowd” whatever your crowd might be. Know yourself well enough to be who you are, even when you achieve privileged status. Be kind.
Cultivate Allies
Cultivate alliances with others, but do not cultivate dependants.
Enjoy Yourself!
Instead of looking to others for your entertainment, learn to entertain yourself and enjoy your time alone, being who you are.
Enjoy!
Nancy
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Excellent words! I especially like the part about having a purpose.
Love it! tash