2.15.10
Part 1 of 2
What is Winning?
So you have thoroughly prepared, prioritized your concessions, established your bottom line, and entered into negotiation with a win-win mindset. The negotiation could be a new business deal, a mediation to settle some old business, a relationship issue, or just about anything else…
What happens if, in the middle of negotiations, the other party begins to act erratically or badly – playing “dirty pool”? What if you discover that they have misled you or they begin throwing tantrums? What do you do when you realize that their idea of “winning” means ruining you?
It happens all the time – especially when big egos are at the table. Sometimes it is a business negotiation tactic purposefully used to wear down or “break the spirit” of the other side. Common intimidation tactics taken too the extreme can seem more like bullying at the negotiation table…
Sometimes, especially in long-term relationships such as business partnerships, the “bad behavior” is driven by skewed or distorted emotions (like deserving, vengefulness or jealousy). In this case “winning” for the other party means “being right” (by proving you wrong) or being vindicated. These emotions can add another level to the negotiation because they must be satisfied somehow in order for the end agreement to be lasting.
Either way, the knee-jerk reaction to this type of behavior is usually either:
- Fight (as in “oh, you want to play dirty? I’ll show you!”) or,
- Flight (lowering your negotiation aspirations in order to “get it over with”).
Both of these reactions are likely to lead you to more complications and possibly damage your reputation – and in this situation, you are better off erring on the side of caution/reasonableness.
The emergence of this type of behavior in negotiation requires you to step back and re-assess your Well-Formed Outcome and strategy. Check your ego, try not to take things personally, and look for the win-win no matter where you are in the negotiation process.
In this first part I’ll focus on situations when the business at hand is new and neither side is very invested in the outcome.
When You Can Walk Away…
If you are at the beginning of the relationship and no agreements have been made, consider calling it off. If the other party is already using tactics that give you reason to believe that their goal is not “win-win”, it will only get worse. By proceeding you tacitly condone the behavior and signal that you are willing to endure it in the future.
When I first started my business I did a negotiation workshop for a group of engineers at a major engineering firm. It went very well and they called me back later to consult on a particular negotiation involving intellectual property. The CEO and VPs were so happy with my work that they sent word to the training coordinator to hire me for a series of workshops.
When it came time to negotiate the workshop series, the training coordinator with whom I had negotiated the first training, started acting strangely. He called at off hours, was late to meetings, and became sarcastic and rude. I tried to work though it because it was a great opportunity for me professionally and I really enjoyed the first workshop. I was willing to overlook the tactics because of the importance of the deal – it was a big one!
Eventually he made some sexist remarks that were too low to ignore and I had to walk away from a deal that I really wanted. To negotiate further would have signaled that I was willing to endure the tactics.
Luckily, there are always other fish in the sea. If you can get out with little invested time, money, and ego, do. Consider it a cheap lesson and move on. You will be glad later. This is especially true if the deal would be long-term or require so much of your resources that you would essentially rely on the income generated by the deal to survive.
Granted, walking away is a lot easier if you are self-employed or in a position of authority with your company. If things get to the point where you want to quit the negotiation, look for guidance within your company about how to either handle it or make a graceful exit.
If you are willing to deal with the other side despite bad behavior, do yourself (and your business) a favor by finding a good lawyer who can write a good agreement. Make sure that everything is in there and go over it with your attorney until you understand it enough to negotiate every clause if need be. The better the agreement, the better off you will be in the event of a dispute.
Here are a few things to consider before proceeding in negotiation when the other side is using extreme intimidation tactics or is acting erratically…
- Is the behavior a calculated negotiation tactic or is it emotionally driven?
- If it is emotionally driven, can you find a way to satisfy the emotional element enough to move forward into a lasting agreement?
- How is it effecting your:
- The negotiation?
- Your morale (do you feel fight or flight)?
- Do you think that the other side might be dangerously unscrupulous? Or just dangerous?
- If so, remove yourself from the situation quietly and quickly!
- This may sound crazy – but some people are crazy!
No matter where you are in your career, business, or relationships, each negotiation sets a precedent for the next. If you are in a negotiation in which you feel more like an enemy or prey than an equal party at the table, you are setting yourself up for more of the same. Choose to negotiate with parties who share your negotiation style, attitude, and philosophy and you will have good working relationships to show for it.
In the next segment we’ll talk about what to do when you are in the middle of a negotiation involving a long-term relationship. We’ll discuss ways to deal with emotions that are likely to arise when it happens and ways to build and maintain a peak performance state when things get down and dirty in negotiation.
Be a Ninja!
Nancy