Any way you shake it, the holidays are stressful. It doesn’t take Nostradamas to predict that this year will be more stressful than years past. In this economy, many people are struggling and worried.
So what can you do to have a happier holiday?
First, understand what is going on: Many people are stressed out beyond normal and that has side effects! They are stressed about what is going on and worried about the future.
Whether it’s you or someone else, it helps to understand what you are up against because stress show up in predictable ways…
Mental Manifestations (too many to list all)
Hair-trigger temper
Diminished sense of humor
Moody
Indecisive
Narrow minded – stuck in a mindset
Pessimistic
Inaccurate memory1
Physical Manifestations (too many to list all)
High blood pressure
Sleeplessness
Lowered immune system (no sleep has something to do with it!)
If you’re fine – doing OK – but expect other people around you to be stressed out…
In the next entry I’ll address how to handle holiday stress when it’s YOUR stress – this one is for those of you who are doing OK and are worried about other people’s stress rocking your boat.
Set an intention about how you want your holidays to be and indulge in your “own little world” regardless of any negativity going on around you. Take a look at my article “Well-formed Outcome and EFT” for more information on how to really build out your Best Possible Outcome.
Don’t take other people’s moods personally and don’t take it personally when others needle you or try to lure you into unpleasant conversation (like commiserating), or an argument.
Accept that they might have something going on in their lives that you don’t know about – it’s not about you and it likely has nothing to do with you. Let it roll off your back. Find a way to excuse yourself from their company.
Realize that there is nothing in the world you can do to make someone else “happy”. It can’t be done. Happy is an inside job – and the best thing you can do is set a good example for others by staying on your TATER.
Here are a few other things you can do to lighten up the mood:
Dark chocolate.
Yes, it’s true. Chocolate actually reduces stress levels by increasing blood flow to the brain2. What a great excuse to start really indulging – put bowls of it everywhere – hey, it’s good for you!2.5
Aromatherapy.
If you are hosting your holiday event, try adding lavender, cinnamon, and other soothing smells into the smells of the season. The scent of lemon, mango, lavender, or other fragrant plants (containing linalool) help reduce stress, fight inflammation and depression, and induce sleep. Perfect for your stressed-out guests!3
Tap away responsibility.
Take a look at the Tapping Tutorial and tap away some of your holiday worry.
Of course we all have real responsibilities, I’m not talking about those. I’m talking about the ones we try to take on for the benefit of other people when we don’t know what else to do. When people, especially ones you care about, are worried and/or miserable, we all run the risk of feeling a little bit responsible for their condition. That can cause a few adverse reactions – even if you are doing fine.
First, you may be knocked off your TATER by their attitude (and that may generate anger or resentment). After all, it’s your holiday too and you want to have a good time!
Here is a sample Tapping set-up:
Even though I expect _______ to be really negative, I want to have a great time no matter what and/or I want to have a positive attitude no matter what
Second, you will feel awkward talking about good things going on in your life or even just pleasant things because it will feel like you are “rubbing your good fortune in” (and not being able to talk about happy things during the holidays can create resentment).
Even though I feel guilty talking about ______ (my new job) around _______, I want to release all guilt about my good fortune and/or I want to know the right time to talk about my good fortune
Third, you might really take on some of the responsibility for making them happy and add to your own (probably busy) life. You might overextend yourself in an attempt to relieve some of their burden – and end up stressed out and resentful about it. Even though it’s totally illogical, we all do it from time to time. It must be human nature (which is rarely logical).
Even though I feel responsible for ______ situation, I want to release any feeling of responsibility and enjoy my holiday and/or I want to easily recognize when my help is helpful and when I need to let them do their own thing
Take a minute to really hash out your holiday goals and responsibilities. Again, see “Well-formed Outcome and EFT” as a resource for creating working goals.
Try to make your holiday goals doable and more about how you want to feel and less about other people changing for you (because that’s not likely to happen!). Here are a few examples:
Goals:
- To enjoy yourself and have fun no matter what
- To look for a win-win. How can you enjoy the conversation and make the other person feel appreciated?
- To find something you like or respect about everyone you encounter
- To find ways to uplift others without sacrificing your good mood or TATER
- To listen more & talk less
Responsibilities:
- Give people credit for doing the best they can – regardless of how they are doing (because they are!).
- Know that, at their core, everyone wants to be safe, loved, successful, and happy – and it’s to everyone’s benefit when it happens. When you can want that for yourself as well as everyone around you, you create a powerful place of change and love. The more happy people, the better.
- Create a loving, comfortable, and safe space for everyone to enjoy the holidays (but it’s up to them to enjoy it!)
- Stay on your TATER no matter what comes your way. That doesn’t mean being stepped on or abused, it means knowing what you want and maintaining focus on a win-win. It means keeping your cool, thinking before you act, and diffusing arguments before they escalate.
- Keep a sense of humor and keep it light & nice – others around you might take cutting humor personally so tread lightly (see blog on Gelotophobia)
Enjoy the holidays, enjoy your time with family & friends, and look for the beauty of the season. Look for things to appreciate in everything you do and everyone you see.
Happy Holidays Ninjas!
Nancy T. Hand
PS – Realtors have told me that the smell of freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies works well for house sales. What an awesome combination of aromatherapy and chocolate!!!
1 O’Mara et al. Torturing the Brain: On the folk psychology and folk neurobiology motivating ‘enhanced and coercive interrogation techniques. Trends in Cognitive Science, September 21, 2009
“Neurochemical studies have revealed that the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex, brain regions integral to the process of memory, are rich in receptors for hormones that are activated by stress and sleep deprivation and which have been shown to have deleterious effects on memory. “To briefly summarize a vast, complex literature, prolonged and extreme stress inhibits the biological processes believed to support memory in the brain,” says O’Mara. “For example, studies of extreme stress with Special Forces Soldiers have found that recall of previously-learned information was impaired after stress occurred.”
2 Martin et al. Metabolic Effects of Dark Chocolate Consumption on Energy, Gut Microbiota, and Stress-Related Metabolism in Free-Living Subjects. Journal of Proteome Research, 2009; 091007113151065 DOI: 10.1021/pr900607v
2.5 I cannot/do not endorse the over consumption of chocolate for anyone other than myself. J
3 Nakamura et al. Stress Repression in Restrained Rats by (R)-(-)-Linalool Inhalation and Gene Expression Profiling of Their Whole Blood Cells. Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry, 2009; 57 (12): 5480 DOI: 10.1021/jf900420g
“Scientists in Japan are reporting the first scientific evidence that inhaling certain fragrances alter gene activity and blood chemistry in ways that can reduce stress levels. The scientists exposed lab rats to stressful conditions while inhaling and not inhaling linalool. Linalool returned stress-elevated levels of neutrophils and lymphocytes — key parts of the immune system — to near-normal levels.”